Well hey there, YouGab. I gotta be honest, returning to school and labor day weekend have me feeling kinda drained. I mean, it's Wednesday and I still have a case of the Mondays.

Speaking of which, both of the teams at my high school had the blahs. My JV team went out Wednesday night and lost 42-0. Special teams killed us. we went over everything the day before and we still had kids lining up in the wrong spots or not getting on the field with their unit. I also saw a guy jump on the back of an opponent and ride him down the field.

What made it bad was that none of the kids showed much emotion. They walked through everything. It seems like they forgot it was a game. Varsity didn't do much better, 46-0. Same lack of emotion, which lead to a similar result.

You know what made it better? College football! That was a great kick off weekend. Utah upsetting Pittsburgh was awesome. Boise State and TCU won and are 3 and 4 in the polls. Michigan even surprised me with a win. I thought UConn would handle them, but it looks like the squad stepped it up. Not sure why people are already throwing out Heisman buzz, however, especially about Michigan qb Denard Robinson. The guy had one good game. Tate Forcier had a few good ones too, then he fell apart. In fact, he was riding the bench and pouting the whole game. Let's try not to get ahead of ourselves.

This week looks like another good one. There are some big franchises going head to head and it looks like some of the big squads are holding off on the cupcake match-ups for now. This is a huge weekend for the Big 10. As we all know, things have not been going too great for the conference the past few years. The talking heads have been tearing the Big Ten a new one. My opinion has been that we need to extend the Big Ten season and maybe work out a championship game, which we should see next season.

This week features some great match ups through out the Big Ten. Let's start at the top with Penn State against Alabama. Now, I see Bama taking this, but I expect PSU will give them a fight. It's Linebacker U against the beast over at Bama.

There's also two great match-ups at 3:30ish to whet your appetite. Ohio State will take on Miami in a rematch of the 2003 Nation Championship. I'll pause now to explain that I'm a bit of a transplanted OSU fan. My dad moved up here from Akron, OH and fathers always pass their teams on. I still route for Detroit in baseball and basketball and as hockey never mattered much in Ohio, I was allowed to route for the Wings. OSU is the team that my dad pushed my towards. I see this as a good game and I'm routing for OSU. Both teams have good qbs. Miami has speed, but I think OSU is catching up. I hope it's a nail biter.

If you're more of a traditionalist, or you're Beeze, then you'll be looking forward to Michigan-Notre Dame. Michigan did impress me by winning against UConn. Notre Dame also started off with a win over Purdue. They both looked like the programs of old and fans will surely be hoping so. I like Notre Dame's hire of Brian Kelly. He's a scary smart coach. It'll be interesting to see him go up against Rich Rod. I like Notre Dame here, but I might be a little biased.

Speaking of good watches, baseball just keeps on coming this year. Over in the AL, the Yanks and Rays are still at each other's throats. The Yanks are leading by 1.5 games. The White Sox are gaining a little ground on the Twins. Not sure if the Manny gamble will pay off, the Twins are an organization not to be reckoned with.

The National League is where the real thrills are. The Phils just snagged the division lead from the Braves. In Bobby Cox's last season, I really hope the Braves can come back and win the NL East. The West is still tight, but the Padres have stopped their skid and are looking to stave off the Giants. It'll be interesting to see who claims the wild card here. I'm hoping for the Braves and Padres to win their division and the Giants to take the wild card. Luckily, the Reds are standing strong. They have some tough series coming up, including a late September series against the Padres.

Looks like good watching. It helps now that we don't have Labor Day festivities. I hope everyone had a great weekend and is looking forward to a great series of games. Thanks for the reads and the comments. I'll close out with some Nuge for everyone. He played a hell of a show here in Detroit on Sunday. FYI, he's calling for a great hunting season.

I get the illustrious duty of filling in for Harry this week, so I need to step up my game a bit.

That’s right, that’s me and my cock. I always wanted to start a blog showing off my cock. Careful though, you don’t want to get too close because he’s sensitive and can go off at any moment.

Please keep in mind that in the time it took to write this blog, our esteemed writer has beaned and threw behind Nyjer Morgan for being a douche bag and a bush leaguer. It kind of figures that we would move from cock to bush huh?

Speaking of Bush, it was interesting to hear Mack Brown campaigning to have Reggie Bush’s Heisman Trophy stripped and awarded to Vince Young. Look Mack, I know Reggie cheated the game and pulled USC under the bus with him, but we’re not talking about Olympic gold medals here. By that same thought process, Matt Leinart’s 2004 award should be given to Adrian Peterson since Leinart benefited from working in an offense that included Bush. You don’t typically see many people beating the campaign trail for an election that wrapped up in 2005. Then again, I imagine Al Gore is still demanding a recount for 2004, so the 2005 Heisman should still be fair game.

Fair games are tough to come by, especially when the two opponents are figureheads jockeying for ground between the players and the teams. In this case, the NHL is taking advantage of a Player’s Association that currently has no true leader in place and pushing hard on the issue of salary cap circumvention. Apparently the league doesn’t much care for teams and players structuring deals in a way that pays the players well beyond their playing days, especially when it is done in order to keep a team under the salary cap. Personally, I don’t really care, the NHL and its teams have shown a complete lack of grasp on salaries and contract structure, especially in the wake of finally getting the players to approve a cap. Seems to me that teams would want to abide by it, but then again, I don’t have money burning too deep a hole in my pocket, so who am I to talk?

No hablo ingles. At least that is the story Manny Ramirez was sticking with when talking with the media upon being traded to the Chicago White Sox earlier in the week. You see, Manny decided that his new turn as Manny Being Manny would be to emulate Sammy Sosa and act like he couldn’t speak English any longer, choosing instead to answer questions through translator Joey Cora. Only problem is Manny remembered right at the end of the conference that he could speak English when he asked “can I go get ready for the game now?” Of course, Manny can speak English, albeit his closest approximation of he language. He proceeded to go just 1 of 3 in his first game, while Sosa went 3 for 3 with a home run in his first ever game with the White Sox. Too bad he didn’t emulate Sosa by bleaching his skin, because the resulting headline of “Manny Being White” would have funny.

Funny things seem to happen in the life and times of Delonte West, but only if you include carrying an arsenal on a motorcycle and sleeping with your teammate’s mother funny. Still, it was interesting to see the Celtics bring back West to complete their bench. While I can see where West would be a solid back-up at the point behind Rajon Rondo, I’m also just a little more curious if it is a stunt to unnerve Lebron James during their season opener against the Heat. Just imaging West walking up to James with a big smirk on his face and ask him, “want to smell my finger?” That will make for an interesting reunion to say the least. But hey, Delonte isn’t petty, but a point guard has got to bounce his balls right?

And isn’t that right where a blog that starts with showing cock should end, by bouncing our balls?

   Happy Monday folks, and welcome to the Monday Madhouse here at the Gab with your old pal IHM, settling into my new spot in the weekly rotation alongside the one, the only, the Beezer. Been a hell of a great weekend, due in large part to the return of America's new pasttime, football!

  College football kicked off it's season over the weekend, starting Thursday night with a bunch of games, all leading up to tonight's Boise State- Virginia Tech showdown in D.C. This is Boise's chance to put up or shut up, finally finding a team with the rocks to put them on the schedule to lead things off in Frank Beamer's Hoakies. Should be a hell of a ballgame, but personally I'll be rooting for Boise State to get the job done, and prove all the doubters wrong by parlaying that into an eventual shot at that stupid looking crystal football at the end of the year.

   Funniest story of the weekend, to me, was Ole Miss loosing to Jacksonville State 49-48. Not that I have any problems with the Runnin Rebs, just the man they brought in to play QB, Jeremiah Masoli. This dopehead, thief, and all-around degenerate doesn't belong on a college football team, he belongs in jail. I really enjoyed watching this SEC team loose to an unknown team out of the Ohio Valley Conference on top of it, so this was great for me on a whole bunch of levels!

  My Buckeyes rolled over Marshall, as they were expected to. Now the real test comes next week in the form of #12 (probably higher after the Boise-VT game) Miami. The athleticism of the Canes worries me a bit, but I still think the Buckeyes find a way to pull it out.

  Another source of amusement for me today, how about Mike Shannahan announcing that Albert Haynesworth won't be starting next Sunday's game against the Cowboys? I'm always a big fan of jackasses like Haynesworth getting their come uppins... hope you learn something from it, Fat Albert... but you probably won't, and we'll probably be talking about another tantrum you throw again, and soon.

  And well, since we're talking about jerkoffs getting their come uppins, how about Rangers OF Josh Hamilton taking on the outfield wall... and loosing! Looks like he's out for a while. If you're a Rangers' fan, you really have to hope that division lead holds, especially with both Hamilton and Cliff Lee now out of action for at least this week... but it looks like all they have to do is stay above .500 in the AL West.

  Speaking of struggling teams out west... what the hell happened to the San Diego Padres? Honestly, has anybody seen them for the past, oh, week and a half? Dropped their tenth in a row Sunday, and are now only one game up on the Giants in the NL West. Fun fact of the day, with the loss, the Padres join the 1932 Pirates as the only two teams in MLB history to loose ten straight while in first place.

  Now on to news nobody needs... the Seattle Storm are on their way to the WNBA Finals! By God, I just can't wait to find out whether they'll be playing the New York Liberty or the Atlanta Dream for a shot at the championship. I now feel dumber for even writing that, sorry folks!

   As for the NFL, there were a few big names sent packing today as teams prepare to cut their rosters down to the final 53, leading up to next week's opening weekend. Among the notables, Matt Leinart, T.J. Who's Your Mama, "Fast" Willie Parker, Julius Jones, Javon Walker, and another former Heisman winner in Troy Smith.

  With the NFL season right around the corner, to close things out, I'd like to toss my picks out there for how this season shapes up in my eyes... so without further adieu, here they are:

AFC Division Winners: Indianapolis, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego.

AFC Wild Card: Houston, Baltimore.

AFC Champs: Indianapolis Colts.

NFC Division Winners: Green Bay, San Fransisco, Dallas, New Orleans.

NFC Wild Card: Atlanta, Minnesota.

NFC Champ: Green Bay.

Super Bowl Winner: The Green Bay Packers.

   You heard it here first, folks... now get your bets in before Vegas gets ahold of this info and make your money now!

  That's all for this week, folks. Thanks, as always, for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Be sure to make any necessary corrections to my NFL picks too!

 Before I get into the misery that is my fandom, I want to thank the owners of You Gab Sports for reaching out to me, and offering me the chance to sub in for one of the featured bloggers. The welcome I've received has been great, and everyone here seems really cool. Onto the misery.

 It was a long day for the Washington State Cougars in Stillwater, Oklahoma. It's hard to win football games when you give up 544 total yards. Giving up 65 points hurts too! That's right folks, my Cougars lost 65-17 to the Cowboys from Oklahoma State.

 Quarterback Jeff Tuel played well, passing for 212 yards and a touchdown. The Cougars running back by commitee only gained 112 yards, and the team coughed up the ball twice.  Turnovers will kill you, but a defense that can't stop anyone will do you in even faster. The Cougars gave up 291 yards on the ground, and 253 through the air. That's not going to be a fun film session!

It sure wasn't fun for us fans to watch. I felt awful for my son. He and his mother came over to watch it with me. Us being a couple of WSU alumni, we thought it was time to expose him to this curse. Kathy tapped out early and went shopping. At half time Adam was beat down, and we went to the park. I had been so excited to share football with him, and now I fear I made him Huskies fan. I hope when I take him to his first Seahawks game he will be more excited about football.

The first weekend of College Football has been exciting. There were plenty of blowouts, besides the WSU game. Then there was the shocker. Jacksonville State upsetting Ole Miss 49-48 in overtime. Two fumbles and an interception came back to haunt the Rebels. It's games like this that make college football so exciting.

 This past week, I noticed there are a few Notre Dame fans here. They should be happy with a 23-12 victory over Purdue.

 The worst game of the week may have Oregon's 72-0 thrashing of New Mexico. I didn't really know what to expect from the Ducks this year, but I guess we all should expect a lot of offense. It just wasn't fear at all. The Lobos turned it over 5 times, but does that even matter when they give up 720 yards of total offense?  that's just brutal.

 This week's big game is Monday night. Boise State vs Virginia Tech. Two good teams, and proud programs. I expect it to be a shootout.

 For those who have followed my personal trials and tribulations, I'll tell you that  Adam and I have been having a blast together, except when I make him watch the Cougars! The few days I don't see him, we talk on the phone, but the way things are progressing between Kathy and me, I may be seeing him every day.  I've tried to take it slow with her, but it's hard at times. We just click. I have to remind myself sometimes what she did, but is that really going to help either of us if I keep doing that?

College Football Prognostication

with Howard “Crabby” Crabberson

Okay ya bums. Crabby is here for da first time on Yuze Gab wit some never been seen before excloosive picks for da first week of collge football. Dis is my Big Ten edition. Im givin yuze four excloosive Big Ten Conference procrastinations of da games today. Now for doze of yuze who are countin yuze will axually see five picks. 

Whys dat yuze axe?

Because da Big Ten cant count how many teams dey really got witch is eleven soze Im gonna do da same ting and tell yuze Im givin yuze four picks when Im really givin yuze buckos five picks.

Da Crabster has cleared all of my picks wit my sweetie Hot Dame Madge. She likes em all.

Hot Dame Madge playin Wii wit Opal, Eddie, Hattie, Bucky and Ben. I'm da one takin da pitcher of dem.

Well anyways ya bums, Crabby is ready for da new football season. Now deze here picks are Crabbys “stone-cold-steve-austin-solid-lock-million-star-you-can’t miss-you-can-bet-da-ranch-dressing-on-dese” picks for yuze.

Just to show yuze how successful da Crabster is dis year, weze gonna start out wit 10,000 clams. And da Crabster is gonna tell yuze how many clams to bet on each game and den by dee end of dee season yuze will have a ton of clams dat yuze can sell for money to da local clam shop. Now da Crabster nose dat clams are kinda stinky but dere aint no law against bettin clams. Dats away to get around doze laws by doze politicians...

Now some of yuze in da midwest where da Big Ten is, yuze dont have no clams so yuze can use corn or wheat or in Mitchagain yuze can bet Oldsmobiles.

Da first and most important game up is between Purdue and Noter Dame (not related to Hot Dame Madge). Now Noter Dames gots itself a new coach from Cincinnati. And its not Gerry Faust tank goodness for dat. First of all he duddnt nose how to spell Gerry. Secondly dat guy couldnt coach a flee to get on a dog and bite it.

Now don’t be a smart Alex on dis one.

Vegas wants yuze to lay da eleven points and take da Irish cuz dey know dat Purdue might even win dis game cus dat new Noter Dame head coach Kelly Brian doesnt have his act togedder yet. But Crabbys gonna outsmart the Vegans once and again and tell yuze to take da Boilermakers and dee eleven. Yuze need to bet tree tousand clams on dis one.

(DVT’s Translation of Crabby’s Prognostication: Take the eleven points and Purdue against Notre Dame. Bet 3000 clams.)

Crabbys next procrastination recommendation (man doze are long words) is da Mitchagain game against YuzeConn. Now unfortunatly for da Wolverines dey dont have Bo Scambankler any more. He was da best but Crabby dont tink he had too many periods. Guys dont have periods Sports Illustrated. Dames have periods. Not Noter Dames just plain old dames. Hot Dame Madge told me she dont have no periods no more. Crabby likes dat.

Now to da game. Dis one is so easy yuze can bet da House, dat first second and tird seasons of da House on dis one. Crabby likes dat guy. Crabby also likes Mitchagain to clobber Connettycutt. Even Coach Rich Rodriguez cant botch dis one up. Bet two tousand clams lay da tree and take Mitchagain.

(Translation: Lay the three points ant take Michigan over UConn. Bet 2000 clams)

Crabby really likes dis game. Its in Saint Luis. Dats a neutered field even dough Saint Luis is in da state of Mizery. Dats why da game is in Mizery because Mizery loves company. Dats a joke. Yuze needs to laugh at dat one. Illinoise just has to cross da Mrs. Ippi Ribber to play dis game. Da Fighting Alumni aint good enough yet Mack. Mizery will prevail so yuzee need to bet 1000 clams and lay da twelve or yuze will have some mizery. 

(Translantion: Bet 1000 clams and play Missouri to cover the twelve points.)

Now heres Crabbys first lesson in Gambling 101 for yuze peeple. Most dont nose how to bet big point games. Yuze know. Da ones where dee underdog gets a ton of points. Its tricky but dis is why da good lord sent Crabby to yuze. Crabbys rule of tum is to stay away from deze games but if yuze do decide to bet em just bet em low and pick da dog.

So we will do just dat. Lay 500 clams on Eastern Illinoise wit da 39 against Iowa and lay 500 clams on Youngstown Steak (plus 40.5) against Penn Steak. Coach Joe Fraternal is so old Youngstown might even make it a game until da fort quarter. But dont worry. If yuze lose dese games and Crabby dont tink yuze will...its only 500 clams each.

(Double Translation: Take Eastern Illinois (39) and Youngstown State (40.5) and the points against Iowa and Penn State respectively, 500 clams each.)

Dats all for dis week. Happy gambling, gamblers.

For more picks, call Crabby’s hot line: 

1-800-howardcrabbycrabberson, 

dats 1-800-howardcrabbycrabberson.

Nitey-night.

Crabby

Photos in order of appearance

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