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Lastof12 Blogs
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First of all I want to thank oldharry for dusting off old shorty and allowing me to sit in for him today. I'm an infrequent visitor to Mo's , but when I drop in for a visit I always get a warm welcome from the regulars that support this fine establishment. When Sully asked me to come out of softball coaching for a day and tap the keyboard with my out there thoughts, I was at first flattered, then nervous, and finally wondering what the heck am I going to write about? Well folks, strap yourselves in. It's going to be a rough ride inside of last's mind...
So last night I'm wondering about some numbers. We've all heard the "give 110%" adage from coaches, fans, friends and good ole mom and dad. Well, this always had me wondering. Where does the extra 10% come from? If all I can ever give is all I got, and all I can possibly muster is everything I have in me, which by the way is 100% (as far as I know); then what's the use in giving more? Think about this; if I only gave 10% which is the extra I'm asked to give, well that's not enough. Or is it? If anyone here received a 10% grade in any case, let's say in school or at work; we'd be 100% outta luck. But wait a tick.
The greatest baseball hitters have hit over .400, right? Well, they're 50% short of the requisite goal. Teddy ballgame only gave 34.4% effort at the plate over his illustrious career. Where's the other 75.6% Mr. Williams? And don't tell me it's frozen in some chamber somewhere. What about Ty Cob? My understanding is Mr. racist has the highest career batting average in MLB history at .367. You're still 73.3% short. Not even close, pal!
Ok, so how about teams? Right now the Yankees and Red Sox have the best winning percentages at over .600 each (as of this writing anyway) in MLB. OK boys, where the hell is the other 50%? You're all demoted to the minor leagues until you get that extra percentage up. I'm tired of the half-assed work out there in sports. I don't know about you, but if we only performed at 60% efficiency on the job my ears would be ringing like the referee in the commercial where the coach is screaming directly in his ear. Plus, I'd likely be unemployed. Unless I'm a weatherman, but that's a story for another day.
Speaking of half-assed; how about the whole (or should I say part) "glass half full/half empty" stuff. So thinking again on efforts, wouldn't it be true that Mr Williams only saw his glass 34.4% full? Or would that be empty? Perhaps 65.6% empty? I dunno. But wait another second. Where does the extra 10% go when speaking of glasses? Not the ones I have sliding down my nose either. If my estimation of gravity is correct, then the extra 10% in the whole glass thingy is right on the floor. Mo, please bring a mop because you're 100% sewed if one of your patrons slips and falls. Or does the "extra 10%" not apply here. I'm confused.
And what of the empty part of the glass? Is it still 50%? Or is 100% of the glass that's half full (I'm an optimist) empty? Or better yet is the empty part 100% empty? Ok, now I'M being negative. But, I'm 100% positive my numbers are adding correctly. Does that make me wrong? If I add those two conflicting thoughts together, then there's 200% to be had. So, then, in the glass half full of half empty adage, we're falling 90% short of our goal. You're NOT giving 110% in either case, glass; so back to the factory for you! Meltdown will ensue.
Speaking of meltdowns and staying with my half-witted theme, what happens to a team or player when he/she has a meltdown? Is said player/team 100% crazy or partly nuts? I can assure you that everyone who witnesses the outburst is 100% certain to stay the hell away from the nut job. Well here you go again not giving 110%. If you could only put forth that extra 10%, then maybe you would be clairvoyant enough to see 10% into the future to stop this silliness from happening. And with that, I'm 110% done with my thoughts. I must tell you though, that 10% of me is very tired. I think I'll only go 100% next time.
Thanks harry and Sully for the platform. Or should I say stool. I hope I didn't drive too many of you into the bathroom or the dark corners of the bar with may half-brained ideas. Heck, from what I'm told, I only use 10% if it anyway. So technically, I'm 1/10th brained, but we won't get into that...
Final thought: if all the haves and have not's went to battle, would there be anything left? Have a great day everyone! Or a crappy one, if that's your preference (thanks George Carlin!)
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Hello again everyone. I hope you all had a good weekend. All went well with Miss last and thanks for all the well wishes and prayers! They really helped and are much appreciated. It's nice to have the support of friends. There's that moment of helplessness when you say your goodbyes with the fear of the unknown deeply entrenched in your gut and then the wait seems to last forever!
We had to stay over which wasn't expected but as a precautionary measure ordered by our doctor. He's the kind of man that has befriended my family moreover than simply "the family doctor". He takes the extra time to converse with us and makes sure the patient, in this case my daughter, is doing ok. We were not expecting to stay, but did throw tooth brushes in a bag just in case beforehand. My wife stayed with Miss last to make sure all is well. My baby girl is not always the best patient and she had some complications with the first surgery, so we wanted to make sure she had all the support she needed. I quickly found a nearby hotel and crashed there for a few hours.
The next day (Saturday) we headed home. The ugly snow had to rear its head once more. I groaned when I woke and opened the curtains to a white, wet and windy snow fall. The roads were good since the temperature stayed slightly above freezing. We made it home in time to see my youngest in the play Fiddler on the Roof. He had a small roll and Miss last was up for going. We all sat back and enjoyed the show. It was great to see sister and brother share a smile during the opening curtain.
I took her back to school yesterday. She's doing really well. She's barely taking the prescribed pain med's and that's a great sign. We parted ways with roommates watching over her. Thank God everything worked out well.
Not so for my brackets...oh my goodness! I had Kansas in all 4 of my brackets. 3 of the 4 brackets I had the Jayhawks National Champs. So much for listening to the "experts" and not watching many teams myself...I would suppose there are many better educated basketballers out there with the same busted brackets as I. But, who has Cornell? N. Iowa? How about St Mary's?
Now I can just sit back and enjoy the games. I don't have to gripe about teams like Northern Iowa winning. Heck, if I didn't pick Kansas, I would have been rooting for the Panthers all along. I always root for the Midwest. It's too bad the Big East has taken their knocks and the one that I thought would stumble (Syracuse) has played well. I haven't seen Duke play yet, and the remaining #1 seeds 'Cuse and Kentucky look really good so far. I say "so far" because you don't know what's next: this year for sure. The only teams in the Final Four I have left in all 4 brackets are Duke, Kansas St. and West Virginia. West Virginia is my only National Champ hopeful. I think I'll root for Michigan St, Ohio State and Purdue since I'm a Midwest guy and all. I really don't think N. Iowa will continue to wear the glass slipper, but I'll root for them just the same. If the first weekend is any indicator, there will be many more surprises. Enjoy the games!
If the weather permits we'll have our first baseball game today. I'm so excited! We haven't been outside much since the warm weather has been gradual. It will be interesting to see how our kids gel. It may take some time, but the good thing is we have depth. We are much more of a baseball team than last year. Today's game is against an across the river rival and they are a solid team. We'll have to play our best to beat them. We also are scheduled for a double header on Saturday so we'll find out early what kind of team we have. My youngest will play for a couple weeks. His surgery is tentatively scheduled for April 14th. It should be a fun week!
Thanks for reading and be sure to check out all the blogs. Support our Gabbers!
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Good Friday to everyone. Quick & short today (I'll explain).
How are your brackets doing? I lost 2 Sweet 16 teams already! The Hoyas got slain by O-hi-o and Vanderbilt got demolished by Murray State. I have to admit, there's conflict with my picks and geographical bias. I was rooting for N. Iowa even though I had UNLV picked in a couple brackets (I have 4). Also, I was rooting for Marquette against all my picks going the way of the Washington Huskies.
Regardless, the dance started fast paced as 6 games were decided by 3 points or less; one went into double OT. I'm saddened by my Irish loss to Old Dominion and I had to watch on CBS Sports online since I was working and we can't watch TV at work. Yeah, I know...but that's one perk in March that would make high marks for the company morale!!! Of course, I kid. Seriously, I clicked out of curiosity the "My Boss" button while watching...why the hell do I do that? You know, if I saw a button on the wall stating, "Do not push"...well, I'd push the darned thingy. Anyway, my computer didn't melt down or anything and I didn't launch a missile or nothing like that. Check out the site if you have the chance.
OK, so much for short & sweet...I want to let you know I'm out early today. My daughter is having her defibrillator replaced this afternoon in Chicago. I thought I'd let you all know since you are my friends and all...please send your prayers her way, she's a great girl and owns my heart. Next up is my youngest which took me aback a little. I wasn't expecting his to be replaced just yet. Nevertheless, he's on the schedule but we don't know exactly when...my daughter has the disease (Long QT if you don't know) and her defibrillator has gone off many times over the last 10 years. Some were settings that needed to be tweaked and some were life saving, so she absolutely needs the replacement. My youngest is borderline Long QT, but it's still a safe-guarding feature for him. The bad part is he'll miss baseball for a couple weeks which bums him out, but I assured him he'll still have a place to play (it's nice having connections ;) ). Anyway, I thought you'd like to know.
Have a great day everyone. Enjoy the sunshine if weather permits!
Check out all the Gabs if you have time!
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Photo from nishimusic.com
Irish Prayer
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"
You've Been Out Drinking Again
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was a wakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
Water to Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Being Irish Means
you will never play professional basketball
• you swear very well
• you think you sing very well
• you have no idea how to make a long story short
• you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf
• there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone
• much of your food was boiled
• you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling
• you're strangely poetic after a few beers
• you're poetic a lot
• you will be punched for no good reason.
• some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations
• your sister will punch you because your brother punched her
• many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth
• someone in your family is incredibly cheap it is more than likely you
• you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing
• you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking
• "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"
• you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency
• there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger party
• you are, or know someone, named "Murphy"
• if you don't know Murphy, then you know "O’Brien"
• you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret
• your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.
The Test
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes." Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American "Is that bet still on?" "Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?" The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."
Parking Spot
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Last Hand
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!’ says Murphy's wife.
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Fllies in the Drinks
An Englishman, Frenchman and an Irishman met in a bar for beers. One day & as luck would have it after ordering a round of drinks, three flies fell into each man's drink at the same time.
The Englishman refused his drink.
The Frenchman picked the fly out of the beer & began to drink his.
The Irishman picked out the fly & said
"Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"
I hope you enjoyed a little Irish humor!
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