Well folks, it’s that time again… time for a little Sexy Action Sports on your Saturday with IHM. Seems like this week just took FOREVER… am I the only one? Might be the shitty work week, might be the Tigers playing out west and my dumb ass trying to stay up and watch the games… I hate it when my teams are on the west coast during the week.

   Been a pretty crazy week no matter what the excuse is, especially with the Tigers out west facing the Mariners first, and now the Oakland A’s. In Oakland, of course, they are reunited with ex-Tiger Brandon Inge… who hasn’t exactly hit for average in his 9 games with the A’s, but has produced three home runs and 13 RBI, including two grand slams. The second slam came Thursday night against the Tigers, although the Tigers were up 10-2 at the time, and still wound up winning the game 10-6. Still, had to feel nice for Inge to hit a blast like that against his ex-teammates and fanbase, all of which essentially turned on him at the end of his stay in Detroit (yours truly included). Still, I’m not very worried about Inge having any long-term success with the A’s, or anywhere for that matter. No matter what way you look at it, the guy is going to hit closer to .200 than .300, and might give you 15-20 home runs and around 70 RBIs in a full season. Lucky for him he can do it in Oakland, where a .200 average at 3^rd base is actually an IMPROVEMENT over what they had at the position.

   The worst thing about the late starts this week is the lack of sleep… lack of sleep because no matter what the Tigers lead might be, I am never confident the bullpen is going to HOLD that lead. Hell, Jose Valverde for the first time I can remember this season actually held an opponent without a hit or walk in his one inning outing against the A’s on Thursday. The entire bullpen is a mess right now, from the closer to the set up man, to all the middle relief guys. The bright spot has actually been the rotation, even without Fister for around two weeks thanks to the arrival of Drew Smyly in the rotation. Smyly has made six starts, and has an ERA of 1.59, but only a single, solitary win despite not allowing more than two runs in any of his six starts. He’s the first pitcher to do it in the modern era… now hopefully the bats can help him snag a few more wins for his efforts.

  But enough of me yaking about the second-place Tigers… let’s hear it for those 4^th place Yankees. It almost gives me wood just being able to say it. Not only are they in 4^th place in the AL East, they’re without their closer for the rest of the year, and now they’ll be without offseason acquisition Michael Pineda in their starting rotation for the rest of the season. Their misery just makes everything much, much better for me. Ah, haven’t said this in a while, so let’s get it out there… FUCK THE YANKEES.

   Let’s move on to the biggest joke in the world of sports this side of the WNBA… that of course being the NBA. Yeah, guess who won another MVP award this season… Mr.Choke himself, LeBron James. James picked up his 3^rd MVP award in the past 4 seasons. The thing that gets me about this guy winning an MVP award really boils down to what my definition of an MVP is… the most valuable player to his team, let alone the entire league. Without James, the Heat would still be a top 4 seed in the East, they’d still be a threat to win the conference, if not the whole damn thing. Hell, if you gave me my choice of any of the “big three” to build my franchise around, James would not be my choice… I’d take Wade in a heartbeat.

  So, my question to all of you is this… what are YOUR personal qualifications in naming an MVP? My first and most important factor is their impact on their team… i.e. would this team be as successful without this guy on the roster. You also have to consider the stats, sure, and another factor I consider is what this guy does in the big spots. To me, all James has is the stats. He’s not a leader, he’s not a closer, he pads the stats in the first three quarters of the game, and then shrinks into the shadow of Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, hell, even Mike Miller when the game is on the line. He’s got the killer instinct of a fucking koala bear.

   Elsewhere in the NBA… Pacers coach Frank Vogel came out and called the Miami Heat the “biggest flopping team in the NBA”, adding it would be “interesting to see how the series is officiated”. The way I see it, brilliant move by Vogel… you KNOW you’re going to get SCREWED by the refs in this series, so why not call them out on it before it even starts. Of course, the entire league is full of flop artists, which just makes the game its self a fucking joke… but hell, it’s good to see somebody else sees what is going on basically league-wide every time somebody drives to the bucket these days.

  According to reports, the home of Chris “Birdman” Anderson was raided by police earlier this week… nope, not for reasons you would expect, coke for example… but on kiddie porn allegations. If this is true, you have to hope this guy is DONE in the NBA, and hopefully locked up for a long, long time. According to attourneys for Anderson, the charges are drummed up by a scorned female fan of Andersons’. We’ll have to see how it all plays out over the next couple weeks, but what a fucking mess this would be.

  Speaking of pedophiles, more specifically people who HARBOR pedophiles, it looks like Penn State administrators will be let off the hook for the failure to report suspected child abuse because a date was changed, which put it just out of range for the statute of limitations. Wonder how much THAT cost the university. But, more than likely, nobody is going to get any conviction on a failure to report child abuse. The most important thing here, still, is getting Sandusky behind bars and the hell away from ANY child. As for the rest of the people involved, including McQueery, they know what they did… or DIDN’T do… and they’ll live with it on their heads the rest of their lives.

  Finally, before I call it a day, I’d like to spend a minute and address the lawsuit against the NFL that around 100 former players are filing because the league “didn’t properly protect them against concussions”. I’m not saying I don’t feel bad at all for the things these guys are going through after their careers are over… but you can’t blame the league for all of this. These guys knew there was an inherent risk to playing football professionally, and that risk was injury. Hell, Chris Henry, the former Bengal, was never diagnosed with a concussion during his career, but had as much damage to HIS brain as many of those examined post-mortem of ex-NFL players.

   It’s sad to see what some of these guys are going through… but they knew what they were getting themselves into when they signed the contract to get paid to play professional football. Not a whole hell of a lot was known by ANYONE about the long-term impact concussions can have on athletes. It’s not like the NFL was covering it up… in fact, I’d say they’ve been pretty forth-right about concussions since Goddell took over as commish. There have been a LOT of steps taken in the right direction as far as player safety goes under Sherriff Goodell’s watch, some of these steps even bordering on ruining the game of football as we know it.

  At the end of the day, I look at these guys who made good money to play professional football, and it’s a damn shame what they are all going through. But at the same time, these guys bring in $60,000 in pension every year… not to mention what they can make doing autograph signings, public appearances, etc. Does the league owe it to former players to step up their contributions to their healthcare? I say if I can “manage” to pay for healthcare on $25,000 a year, these guys should be able to get their own medical coverage on at least double that. 

   That’s all I’ve got this week, folks. Thanks as always for reading and for any  comments you leave on the way out.

  Hello Gabbers, and welcome to Sexy Action Sports Saturday with your old pal IHM. A LOT to get to this week, so let’s just dive right in…

   After the first three rounds of the NFL Draft, I have to admit I was disgusted with what the Detroit Lions had done… Again, Reiff in the first round I can accept… but a cripple slot receiver in the second round, and the only guy you draft who has a half-assed shot to start next year in your secondary is a Sun Belt corner? Come the hell on. Sure, they used three picks on defensive backs, and another three on linebackers, but you’re talking about low-round picks, guys who find themselves on a practice squad more often than in your starting lineup. And let’s face it, the Lions haven’t exactly become known for finding those “hidden gems” past the 4^th Round of the draft. Honestly, I can’t even bring myself to look at the “experts’ draft grades”, because seeing this Lions’ draft get anything over a C- would make me puke. Mayhew really shit the bed this year, in the draft, in free-agency… you’d better hope somebody HUGE gets released sometime between now and the start of the season at corner… and that they actually want to come play in Detroit, otherwise it’s going to be a MAJOR step back for this team this year. Hope either Cutler gets hurt, Rodgers gets hurt, or BOTH if you plan on seeing this team back in the playoffs without two new starters at cornerback, Lions fans.

  Before I move on, this is one of the things I hate about this fucking town. Same thing happened with the Tigers GOING TO a World Series in ’06… Leyland and Dombrowski get a fucking free pass on EVERYTHING stupid they do because people around here are just content with mediocrity. Same with the Pistons… for years they keep trotting the same, aging core out there, and getting further and further from winning a championship… and now you’re stuck in NBA limbo… a not-quite playoff team, but not bad enough to get yourself a good enough draft pick to land a superstar. The way the NBA is, if you aren’t a “major market team”, the only way you land a star is through the draft… and THAT’S only until their rookie contract runs out. At least you got a championship out of that group. Hell, while I’m at it… same goes for the rotting cesspool we call the city of Detroit… just clinging to the way things are, to old, dilapidated relics from the fucking 1920s, all because you don’t want to forget the “good old days”, when this was an actual city and not the crime ridden hell hole it is today. The Wings… well, we all saw what happened there. You’re pretty much at burn it down and start from scratch time with this team, too. Hopefully they’re at least smart enough to do it before it’s too late.

  The point of all of this, people around here get ONE little taste of success, and the GM/coach get a fucking hall pass for ten years. The Lions got to the playoffs last year, I get it. You took advantage of a Bears team without its’ starting quarterback, missing it’s star running back for a good chunk of the season, and with no true #1 wideout… that’s how you made the playoffs last year. This year, Cutler should be healthy, the Bears traded for Brandon Marshall and added Alshon Jefferey in the draft, and Forte should be healthy and disgruntled for the year. Hell, even the Vikings are improved… and you BARELY eeked out two wins over them last season. My point in all of this, quit with all the “benefit of the doubt” bullshit Detroit… just because your team got torched in the playoffs by Drew Brees, it doesn’t mean your general manager can do no wrong… because he CLEARLY did a lot of wrong with the 2012 NFL Draft.

   Now that I have yet another draft rant off my chest, what’d you all think of your teams’ draft? Be sure to let me know in the comments below.

   Now that THAT’S all out of my system, how about some national sports news? Well, the geniuses behind college football have come up with a playoff system. A half-assed, flawed system that still shits on everybody not in a “power conference”, but still better than the previous I guess. A four team playoff, four conference champions going head to head for the prize, is a start. Now, how about we change it to the top four teams in the country, and tell these power conferences to go screw. Fact is, the whole reason anybody wanted a playoff in the first place is so teams like Boise State, TCU, Houston, etc., would actually get a legitimate shot at a national championship. THAT is what makes the NCAA basketball tournament so amazing… anybody on any given day can come out on top. Until you give the people what they want, your ratings will continue to decline, BCS. Stop with the cash-grabbing horse shit that defines your entire organization and give the fans of college football, what USED to be the greatest sport of them all, some closure at the end of the season... some assurance that the national champion is a RIGHTFUL national champion… not just the darling of the media and your wallets.

  Sad news this week as well, as former Chargers, Dolphins and Patriots LB Junior Seau was found dead in his home from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the chest. The guy was a hell of a player, a sure-fire hall of famer, and just as great of a human being as he was a football player. You really have to wonder what kind of demons led to him taking this drastic step… but at the same time I hope the media actually shows a little fucking respect in this case and leaves his family the hell alone. Nothing gets to me more than watching reporters swarm a grieving family member after something like this happens. RIP Junior.

  Of course, there are people out there who somehow think Seau did this to “send a message” about the state retired players live in… just an absolute insult if you ask me… but there are a few theorists out there. A local “personality” or “reporter” if you will, suggested this Wednesday on the air. I know this might not be the most popular opinion out there right now, but I just have to wonder how the hell the financial and mental well-being of former employees is the problem of the NFL. It’s the NFLPA’s problem, yes… but not the league its self. The way I look at it, these guys get a pension in the ballpark of $60,000 a year… not to mention the government programs out there such as medicare, Medicaid, and a host of others to help seniors with health care problems. I make SIGNIFIGANTLY LESS than $60,000 a year… but I pay for my own insurance, and out the ass I might add. I just find it hard to feel sorry for anyone who can’t make ends meet on $60,000 a year. Call me a prick, call me insensitive… but there is no way you convince me otherwise.

  Gotta give some props out to Jared Weaver of the Angels, a guy I think could bring home the AL Cy Young award this season (would’ve won it last year if it weren’t for Verlander’s MVP season), throwing his first career no-hitter against the Twins. Sadly, though, The Angels are still without the benefit of any Albert Pujols’ home runs. So far, he’s at 104 homerless at bats. Not quite what you’re looking for out of that kind of contract. The way David Freese keeps hitting in St.Louis, the Cardinals just keep looking smarter and smarter the longer this slump lasts.

  As much as I hate the New York Yankees… everything they are, have been, and every single person that has anything to do with ANY success on their part… I have to admit I felt for Mariano Rivera and his season-ending, possibly career-ending, injury during pre-game warm-ups yesterday. The guy has always been a class act, and always been a real professional. Doesn’t dance around or pump his fist after every save (VALVERDE, PAPELBON, I’m talking to you tools)… just goes about his business and acts like he’s been there before. He’s been doing it since he took the job over, and he’s done it more times than anybody else in Major League Baseball history. If this is indeed the end for Mo, he had himself one hell of a career. And any writer who doesn’t vote for him simply because he was a closer should have their vote revoked when he becomes Hall of Fame eligible.

   I’m not going to waste much time on the NBA… 98% of the league is just amazingly stupid… that 2% consists of Kevin Durant and probably a few others… other than that they’re a bunch of tools, and I could do without the sport all together at this point. On a side note, I am rooting for the Heat to win the East… mostly so we can watch LeBron choke away another NBA Finals. Outside of that, there is zero entertainment value to the NBA at all for me the rest of the way. Oh yeah, and Rondo, Amare, and Artest are all absolute dip shits. Rondo deserved a LOT more than one game for a suspension. The Celtics need to just get whatever they can for the guy at this point… because he’s a fucking loose cannon, more trouble than he’s really worth.

  Now that that's all out of my system... here's a little something to lighten the mood: 

   That’s all I’ve got this week folks. Thanks as always for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Hope you have a great weekend.

Well, no intro this week, folks, just anger… pure, unadulterated anger! That’s right, it’s draft season… and apparently hate-crime season as well. And, both activities have me seeing red this week.

   We’ll start out with the NFL Draft, where, true to form, the Detroit Lions shit the bed with all three picks in the first three rounds. Apparently the ghost of Matt Millen still lurks somewhere within the bowels of Lions HQ in Allen Park… because Martin Mayhew is at the very least staying true to his formula of ignoring glaring holes on his roster and taking guys that make zero sense with picks that can be the difference between an 8-8 team and a playoff team.

   Here is one theory of mine as to what the hell might have happened to Martin Mayhew prior to the draft:

   That’s right… Martin Mayhew must have been driving along, ran down Matt Millen, and Millen’s soul entered Mayhew’s body, and he proceeded with the draft as usual. That’s right folks… THAT’S MY BLACK GM!

  Another theory: Calvin Johnson DID win the Madden cover this week… and the jinx that comes with it. Is this an insurance policy against his impending injury/arrest/turning into a douchebag?

  Of course, there is ALWAYS the theory that the Lions are just going to attempt to outscore the Packers, Bears, Vikings, and everybody else on the schedule by adding more receiving threats. At this point, I’m grabbing at fucking straws folks.

  But in all seriousness, the first round pick didn’t bother me quite as much. Riley Reiff was a guy that was supposed to be a top ten pick, certainly a top ten talent, and helps transition the offensive line into the future. Let’s face it, Backus isn’t the greatest left tackle in the league, and he isn’t getting any younger. Personally, I would’ve addressed a defensive need there, a corner, safety, DE, linebacker… something else, but I can deal with getting premium talent at the #23 spot in the first round.

   But last night, when the #54 pick rolled around, I expected to hear Barry Sanders say “with the 54^th pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select cornerback (fill in name here).” Instead, I hear “wide receiver”… at that point, everything kind of went dark. Yeah, I think I might have had a minor aneurysm at that point… not exactly sure. When I came to, I realized that not only had we wasted a second rounder on a receiver, but on a 5’10” slot receiver with a bad ACL… who probably would have been there in the third round.

   Evidently, being torched by Drew Brees and MATT FUCKING FLYNN over the last two weeks of your season to the tune of 1,000 yards and 10 passing TDs, in two games mind you, was not enough of a wake-up call for the Lions’ brass. Apparently we just have to watch this shit for another season… maybe next year we’ll get to addressing that little situation… you know, needing two starting cornerbacks. Oh yeah, we got a corner in the third round… with Brandon Boykin on the board, a first-round graded corner from Georgia, who faced premium SEC competition on a weekly basis… we snagged Dwight Bentley out of Louisiana-Lafyette… because we all know the Sun Belt conference is a hotbed for NFL talent.

  What scares me even more, the Packers, Bears and Vikings have all made major strides through trades, free agency, and the draft, and all three have improved a great deal. Namely the Bears, who added Brandon Marshall via trade and drafted Jeffery Alshon, one of my favorite receivers in this year’s draft. It’ll be GREAT to see those guys torching the Lions’ secondary twice a year for the next five or so years.

   At this point, it really doesn’t matter what the Lions do the rest of the draft… their chance to add two starters in the defensive backfield went by the wayside in the 2^nd and 3^rd rounds. Hopefully I’m wrong about this kid out of ULL… but somehow I think we’ll be seeing him on a practice squad roster within three years. This team has not only not improved, they’ve taken a step back. If they finish 8-8 this year, I’ll be amazed.

   This was shaping up to be a GREAT week for the Tigers, too. Early in the week, the Tigers cut ties with much maligned second baseman Brandon Inge, sending his whining, non-hitting ass packing in a move that really came about a year and a half too late. Of course, this was much to the shagrin of all the downriver skanks across the southeastern Michigan area… but there’s plenty of dirty white boys left on the roster for you gals to follow. How about Brennan Boesch, Ryan Rayburn (who is hopefully next in line to get his ass booted out of here), Justin Verlander… hell, Verlander might be a better hitter at this point than Inge is. But Inge being GONE finally got rid of the non-stop discussion, the non-stop bitching every time his name appeared on Leyland’s lineup card. Things were looking up. Sure, the team is playing like shit, but Inge was gone.

   Then, Thursday night, the Tigers hit the Big Apple… and evidently at around 3 AM, outfielder Delmon Young got into an altercation outside the team hotel, which led to his arrest on aggravated harassment and hate-crime charges. The story is, good ol’ DY got piss drunk, pushed a man to the ground, and started off on an anti-semetic rant including shouting “FUCKING JEWS, FUCKING JEWS” repeatedly. A real shock… never saw this coming… not like Delmon has had any issues in the past… (video of Delmon Young throwing bat at ump)

  Yeah, I say cut this fucking bum loose too, and throw somebody else into his lineup spot to NOT HIT.

  As for Ron Artest… he got off easy. Seven games ain’t shit for a blatant elbow to the head of James Hardin. Let that be LeBron or Wade, and his ass is out of the league. And for blaming the media for the spot he’s in, Ron Artest, you are the decided winner of this week’s shut the fuck up award.

  And Rosie O'Donnell... nobody cares what you think about ANYTHING you washed up old gash. 

  That’s all I’ve got this week gang. Thanks as always for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Hope your teams are doing better than mine this week!

 (A week late, but a promise is a promise)

   Happy Saturday Gabbers, and welcome to another Sexy Action News Saturday with your pal IHM. To start off, I’d like to thank BOB for filling in for me last week. Had some issues that unfortunately led to me not being able to post, but luckily it’s all done and over with, and we can move along with the program as usual.

   To start off, I’d like to throw my take on the Petrino firing out there, albeit a week or so late! Some people weren’t fans of his firing, some were huge fans of it, myself included. The fact that a man has an extra-marital affair shouldn’t cost a man his job in most circumstances; but when you look at the position Bobby Petrino was in as a head football coach of a major college program, it really DOES mean he should have lost his job.

   As a college football coach, especially at this level, you need to be able to pull in elite-level talent. You can be the greatest Xs and Os guy in the history of the game (and Petrino is FAR from that), but if you don’t have players to execute, you’re not going to win football games. In order to do that, you need to be able to convince a player and his family that YOU are going to be responsible enough to take care of him during his time at your university, let alone yourself. Your job as a head football coach at a university is to be the face of that program. You go into families’ living rooms and pitch yourself and your program, promising to return their young son a well-rounded man… this kind of public embarrassment just makes doing that job even more impossible for Petrino than it already was given his past, and that’s why his ass is gone. Good bye, good riddance… don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

   Honestly, between baseball heating up and these whacky NHL playoffs, I have all but forgot about next weekend’s NFL Draft. I’m used to the Lions falling somewhere in the top ten, this year, they don’t pick til #23. Really, so long as they don’t pick anybody at a skill position and stick with a DB, LB, or LT for the future, I’m happy with the pick. Hell, I might not even bother tuning into the draft til after nine… the first two picks are locked in already and all I really care about is the Lions’ late round pick.

  As for the NFL, I’d like to encourage all of you fine folks here at the Gab to get out there and cast your vote for Mr.Cam Newton of the Carolina Panthers to be this year’s Madden “cover athlete”. He’s a much, much more deserving candidate than this other guy… Calvin Johnson of the Lions. I mean, if YOU were running for such a prestigious honor, he’d vote for you. Honestly, get out there and vote for Newton… this has NOTHING to do with any curse… really. I’m definitely NOT trying to convince anybody to vote Newton just so HE gets hurt (numerous guys), turns into a pussbag (Peyton Hillis), or becomes a jailbird (Michael Vick)… he just deserves it more! Honestly, I say just put the curse to bed, and start putting Madden himself on the cover. That way, he strains a jowell eating a turkey leg, gets run over by his bus… whatever the hell, and nobody’s team gets hurt. Whichever one of these guys gets the nod this year, do yourself a favor… don’t bother drafting them in any fantasy league.

   As for these whacked out playoffs, there are two major stories in my eyes: shitty goaltending in the Flyers-Pens series, and all the cheap shots taking place, and essentially going unpunished. Good lord, Wednesday night they would have been better off taking the extra attacker and just jamming a broom into the crease. I pretty much tuned out when it got to 7-3, started watching the Tigers game. I hate both teams, so I couldn’t care less either way this one goes, although Philly does hold a 3-1 edge at this point. I hope they beat the hell out of each other and neither one gets past round two.

   As for the cheap shots, there are two that stand out to me: Weber sending Zetterberg head-first into the boards in game one of the Wings-Preds series and of course Marian Hossa getting a head shot from Raffi Torres. Zetterberg was able to play again after Weber’s cheap shot in game one, Hossa is still out because of Torres’ blatant head shot in game three. The big difference, both teams on the receiving end are down 3-1 in their respective series.

  I’m not making excuses for the Red Wings here… going into this series, I expected them to struggle against what is basically a bigger, stronger, better Predator team. The Wings are just getting old, to be blunt about it. It’s time for a major re-shuffling of this team… break it up before you fall into the same trap the Pistons did a few years back with the ’04 title team. Aside from Zetterberg and Datsyuk, you can stand to lose anybody on that roster and not be hurting a whole lot for it. They need to gain some size and strength on the defensive side, and a little more speed to play along with Datsyuk/Zetterberg up front. As for Jimmy Howard, he had a hell of a regular season, but the guy just has to prove himself in the playoffs. Down 3-1 in this series, I’ll be surprised if we see a game 6 with tonight’s game 5 in progress in Nashville.

  Overall, most of the series out West are more or less decided. Looks like Nashville, Phoenix, St.Louis and LA are moving on. In the East, we’re looking a little more interesting with three series currently tied at 2-2, and the aforementioned Flyers-Pens series currently 3-1 Philly. One of the best things about playoff hockey, it’s not as clear-cut as other leagues… anybody can win on any given day. Once the Wings are out, I’m just looking forward to some quality hockey the rest of the way.

   As for the NBA… I don’t fucking care. The Heat showed their true colors the other night against the depleted Bulls, acting like a bunch of punks, throwing elbows and cheap shots out there against a Bulls team without Derek Rose. LeBron James is a douchebag… Dewayne Wade is a douchebag… Chris Bosh didn’t even play, and he’s still a douchebag… and no matter what happens in the playoffs this year for them, nobody can take that away from them.

  Speaking of douches and the NBA… Dwight Howard is out for the rest of the year with a back injury. Now maybe we can go a full week without footage or quotes of him being a petulant child on the sidelines towards his head coach. What a complete pile of garbage that league is.

  A couple of MLB milestones to celebrate… and one for me to rant about… but we’ll put the best foot forward today. Congrats to the Red Sox and to Fenway Park for their 100^th anniversary this weekend. Amazing accomplishment for one of the best venues in all of sports. Just an iconic ballpark, and baseball wouldn’t be the same without it. As for the Cincinnati Reds, they recorded the 10,000^th win in franchise history today with a 9-4 win over the Chicago Cubs, just the sixth team in MLB history to reach that milestone.

   As for the less-than-celebrated milestone, there was A-Fraud’s passing of Ken Griffey Jr. for 5^th place on the all-time home run list, a list that gets a little less respectable with each new member. Not a whole lot to say on this topic that I haven’t said before… FUCK I HATE THIS FUCKING GUY. I don’t often root for a guy to get hurt… but with A-Roids, I’ll make an exception. Jesus I hope he takes a fastball to the face really, really soon.

   That’s all I’ve got in the tank this week folks. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great rest of your weekend.

  Happy Saturday Gabbers, and welcome to another edition of Sexy Action Sports Saturday with your old pal IHM. First things first, have to thank our old pal Zombie Jesus for getting me a paid holiday Friday… that’s right, I’m movin’ on up in the world. Day off, paid, and it’s just Good Friday. First paid holiday… EVER! Spent the day relaxing with the wife and son, eating at one of my old stomping grounds, and found a nice old whiskey jug for my collection while bumming around a resale/antique place. All-in-all, I’d call it a damn fine day off.

   A LOT to get to this week, and we’ll start things out with one of my least favorite people in all of sports, Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino. Seems Mr.Petrino’s reputation has taken yet another hit, as he was busted with his side piece when he crashed the motorcycle the two were riding around town. Went into a ditch, got picked up by a passing motorist and driven to the hospital, and told the guy not to call the cops. Seems like he was trying awfully hard to keep that side piece a secret… and for good reason, she was an employee of the Arkansas athletic department. Yep, looks like Bobby Petrino can add another accomplishment to his resume of douchebaggery… dipping the pen in company ink, not to mention cheating on his fucking wife and all. Hopefully Arkansas does the right thing and tosses this piece of trash where he belongs, right in the shit heap.

   This week wasn’t ALL bad for douchebag coaches… Monday night, Kentucky coach John Calipari finally got the job done on the big stage as the Wildcats beat Kansas to capture their first national title since 1996. And the way those jagoffs in Lexington reacted, you’d think they hadn’t won a fucking title in fifty years. Hell, my advice to the University of Kentucky… get that banner up as fast as you can. That way you can get some enjoyment out of it before 2-3 years down the road this asshole ends up busted AGAIN by the NCAA for some major infraction. By then, of course, he’ll be skipping down the road with a bag full of cash and a new job lined up… just like he’s done so many times before. I’d say I feel bad for the kids playing for him, but since this asshat makes his living on one-and-doners, there won’t be any kids he recruited LEFT to feel bad for.

   The real opening day for Major League Baseball happened just yesterday, with pitchers making the biggest impact. Many low scoring, old school games over the first several season debuts. The Tigers’ opener was no different. Jon Lester and Justin Verlander dueled for seven-plus innings until the Tigers finally broke through against Lester. Verlander wound up going eight innings, giving up zero runs and two hits. Then, Jose Valverde and his 51-game save streak stepped in to close things out. Sure enough, Valverde gave up two runs on three hits, and the Red Sox had tied things up. In the bottom of the ninth, however, Austin Jackson was able to bail Valverde out with his third hit of the ballgame, an RBI single, which plated the winning run. All-in-all, good to get the W on opening day. But the scary thing is Valverde really hasn’t been the same since late last season when he started going more with his fastball and less to his splitter. If he doesn’t find that splitter again, it could be a shaky year for the Tigers bullpen. Hopefully this was just an aberration, and he’ll start a new streak today in game #2 of this three game set with the Red Sox.

  At least Valverde wasn’t alone in blowing an opening-day save… Yankees’ closer Mariano Rivera, the all-time saves leader, gave up a 2-spot to the Rays in the bottom of the ninth to blow a Yankees win. All I can say to Mariano Rivera is keep up the good work!

   And before I get out of baseball here, just have to agree with Frag… that new Marlins ballpark is a fucking monstrosity. I mean, every part of it is ridiculous. The home run sculpture is quite possibly the worst part. I really hope somebody had to pay THEM to put that thing in.

   The thing that REALLY has me pissed off this week is over in the NFL. The Detroit Lions… more specifically, the Detroit Lions 2011 draft class. Their first pick, Auburn DT Nick Fairley, who played sparingly due to an injured foot throughout the season, was BUSTED Wednesday for possession of marijuana. The dumb bastard was driving around a Mobile, Alabama sub division speeding and “bumping” his music… sure enough, somebody calls the cops, and there’s dope in the car. Back on March 12^th, second round pick Mikel Leshoure, who played in ZERO games last year for the Lions after an injury in the first pre-season practice, was popped for possession of the reefer for the second fucking time this month. That’s right, he was ALSO busted on March 1^st for possession, a charge he never showed up in court for. How did he get busted, you ask… his dipshit friend was driving the car the two were traveling in, failed to signal for a lane change, and happened to be driving on a suspended license. Why was he driving on a suspended, you ask… because apparently Leshoure’s license is ALSO suspended. Apparently the 500 grand he made last year for doing NOTHING wasn’t enough for his stupid ass to get down to the fucking DMV and get his license renewed/reinstated.

   The real question here is what the fuck is wrong with these guys? You’re making millions of dollars to play a sport professionally… can’t you just pass on the blunt for 10-15 years, make your money, and if you really, really want to be a fucking dopehead that bad, retire and get back to your little “nature walks”? Look, I used to be a fucking pothead… about ten years or so ago, I’d smoke weed on just about a daily fucking basis. My brother AFD can testify to that… though he never sunk to my level, luckily for him. The difference here… I got a fucking job, and I needed to keep that fucking job, so I quit smoking the dope and grew the fuck up. These guys aren’t looking at some $400 a week, bullshit job. This is an opportunity to work ten years and never have to work another day in your fucking life. Really… is there ANYBODY out there that can explain this to me? (Aside from the obvious explaination of these two being fucking idiots) Oh, and also former Lions’ draftee Charles Rogers was booked on five charges Friday, including marijuana possession… just a nice little touch to cap off a shitty week for the Lions.

    Of course, these two aren’t the BIGGEST idiots of NFL potheads. Aside from the obvious Ricky Williams reference here, what about former Bengals WR Jerome Simpson, who the feds popped for having two fucking pounds of mary jane delivered to his home in Kentucky. Somehow, though, this fool got a plea deal where he’ll only serve 15 days in jail and 3 years probation. How the fuck does THAT work out? Kids get popped with a fucking dime bag in their pocket and end up with longer sentences than that… a hell of a lot longer. This asshole has two fucking pounds delivered to his house… if THAT doesn’t scream intent to distribute, I don’t know what does. Hell, maybe the Lions will sign him next week… he’s still looking for a new NFL team, and if he’d fit into any locker room right now, it’d be the fucking dopehead Lions’.

   That’s what I’ve got for the week, folks. Thanks for reading, and as always, for any comments you leave on your way out. Enjoy your weekends, and Happy Easter Gabbers.