Welcome to the tantrums where Uncle B.O.B.  is starting to pack up the family for the South Florida roadie.  I’ll be gone from Wednesday to next Thursday.  It’ll be great to see my mother and brother and his family.  But before I jet my way back there, I thought I would leave you with some rants…

Rant #1 - NBA Playoffs.  As crazy as this sounds coming from me, if the NBA plays this right then they can have one helluva future.  Memphis, Denver, Utah all are looking good in the future as is the Los Angeles Clippers, though I question the way they play ball.

The Denver Nuggets are a team that has a bright future ahead of them.  They made some youthful mistakes in Game 7 that cost them big-time when the pressure got too hot, but man look out for this team in the future.  Javale McGee and Kenneth Faried will be something special and Denver has the right coach to get them to the next level.

My daughter and her boyfriend surprised the hell out of me by telling me they scored two tickets to Game 5 of Heat/Pacers while we are down there.  They paid good money, but the seats are decent.

Memphis absolutely should be kicking themselves for blowing this series to the Clippers.  Giving away a big lead at home, and then when they are rolling, they lay an egg like that Game 7 on Sunday?  Sorry, but after last year's success this has to be considered unacceptable to score only 72 points in a Game 7.

LA fans will be insufferable now, but hopefully we can get some retribution on the bandwagons if San Antonio and OKC can put both out.

Speaking of LA, right on cue after Magic opened up his cakehole, here comes Phil Jackson running smack about having "the itch" again.  Hey Mike Brown, best of luck overcoming horrific attitudes, inconsistent play, Tragic Johnson's idiotic comments that do have weight, and now this...

Rant #2 - NHL Playoffs.   Rangers/Devils has the potential to be a phenominal series, as does Coyotes/Kings.   Now you all know my hatred for all things LA/NYC, who you all know I’m rooting for Phoenix/NJ.  Either way, the Stanley Cup chase is exciting as hell.

Rant #3 - Florida State.  So apparently, Florida State is leaking it out that they might be interested in leaving the ACC for the Big 12, and I only have one question – Is tomorrow soon enough?  That’s hypocritical I know, but CFB is changing and teams in the ACC and Big East are being left out in the cold.  But who cares, they dominate college Basketball anyway.  You have to do what you have to do.  Seminole Football is coming back, the Basketball team is solid, and the Baseball team is super and adding FSU would be a huge coup for the Big 12 and really help them with BCS issues.  Would they be level with the SEC?  I'd say they need one more name school to get there, but I think the have a chance.

But let’s think about the Big 12 as I understand it.  Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Florida State, and  West Virginia is a solid base to build from, Kansas State can always rise up, Iowa State is always good for a surprise for a year, and if Baylor can keep its momentum going, I really like what this conference can be.

Rant #4 – MLB.  I seem to always find something in MLB to lighten my mood, and John Axford’s outstanding memo to the media post-game after he had a bad game was hilarious:

This is about the time where I start looking at stats to kind of understand what’s going on with certain teams, and for the second year in a row, San Diego and Oakland are stuck on the bottom of team batting average sitting at .221. 

It’s been talked about frequently, and now I can see why – The Washington Nationals have the best team ERA sitting at 2.60 as compared to the #2 team in MLB, the Dodgers at 3.19.  You have to figure that the Nats can’t continue on that pace, but that is incredible.  The sticks (a .238 BA) had better wake up quickly.  Losing Werth hurt, but if you’re batting .238 as a team you are in trouble.

Oakland is raising some eyebrows by being over .500 in mid-May, especially considering their .221 team batting average.

Rant #5 - Olympics.  I used to remember being glued to the TV when the Olympics came on.  I was a big honk for the Olympic games, but my idealism gave in to cynicism.  Well, the games are scheduled to start on July 27^th, which is actually smart because it’s in the middle of “dead season”, but just as NFL camps are starting.  I think the thing I’ll care about most will be 007 opening the games with some sort of run through Buckingham Palace.  In other words, not that important.

Yeah, I’ll probably get in an idiotic rant about the d-bag American Basketball team, but…

Rant #6 – NFL.  I don’t say this often, but mark this down – props to the New York Jets!  By not agreeing to do “Hard Knocks”, the organization might be starting to figure out that louder isn’t always better.   Now it’s up to Rex Ryan to shut down this Tebow-mania and knock some sense into Santonio Holmes.

Seems like the Vikings are going to stay in Minny and I couldn’t be happier.  I guess in the meantime while they are waiting for the new stadium to be built, they are going to go and play at the stadium for the University of Minnesota for the years that it’s going to take to build.  Now they are talking about having a retractable roof for their new stadium, and I for one think that’s a great idea.  Keep the dang thing open in September and into October, then close it off.

Dummy of the week has to go to Darius Heyward-Bey, WR in Oakland.  There is a culture change in “da bigga da biggity O”, and this genius is speeding and weaving ON THE BAY BRIDGE, earning himself a visit from Johnny Law who promptly whacks DHB for failing a field sobriety test!   Yep, that’s the longer version of saying:  DUI!    Hey DHB, you are a Raider, not a Raider fan.  Put down the “yac” and get into the gym.  C’mon man!

LET'S GET TO GABBING!!!

Welcome to the tantrums where Uncle B.O.B. has a question for all of the May Day freaks out there – did you ever consider the fact that the reason you don’t have a job is that you aren’t presentable when you get that interview?  Good Lord did you check out those anarchists?  If you are in a position to hire, would you even remotely consider these folks for a position with your company?

There was a lady in Seattle who had the question of the day after she walked out of her office to find her car windows destroyed by rocks:  “How does destroying my window get you what you want?  What’s the point of destroying my car?”

ON TO THE SPORTS RANTS...

Sports is becoming troublesome to me.  More on this in a special rant next week (I know, I know - shameless plug)...

Speaking of action on the field, has anybody noticed that one of the fastest growing sports out there is Lacrosse?

MLB.  I had a great laugh Sunday when that DH for Baltimore (Jones I believe) goes 0-8, yet pitches for the win.  Not something you see every day in the American League.

Why do I like Baseball in May?  Because for a moment, I can celebrate the fact that Baltimore, Cleveland, and Washington are sitting in First place, Oakland is playing .500 ball, and the Houston Astros are respectable.

Memo to Cole Hamels - (1) How stupid are you with all the attention paid to athletes trying to hurt other athletes to go out and intentionally plunk a player who has played a grand total of eight games?  That doesn't make you "old school" or a "tough guy", it makes you look like a sissy.  (2) Who made you the Guardian of Baseball's "Old School values"?  I don't know if you know this Cole, but it's 2012 - there isn't any MLB player out there who has any idea of what "Old School" means, let alone knowing what those values are.  Hey Washington Pitchers, it's time you threw at this schmuck when he comes up to bat.

Speaking of dummies - SF Giants relief pitcher Guillermo Mota earned himself a 100 game suspension for his second offense under the drug policy.  Brilliant - Brian Wilson is already out and you go and do some dumb stuff like this?  With SF's bad offense, lousy fielding, and subpar pitching, it could be a long summer for fans of Los Gigantes.

Kentucky Derby.  Tradition came back to sports on Saturday.  Do I know anything about Horse Racing?  Hell no, but in this time of foolishness in sports, it’s nice to know that there will be some normalcy, if only for two minutes or so.

College Football.  Personally, I am glad the MWC and C-USA have an agreement to make that 24 team super-conference.  If I’m in charge of this, I’m negotiating with the Cotton Bowl to host our championship game.  These two conferences have bent over and grabbed their ankles long enough.  Perhaps it’s time for the small boys to accept their role and have their own championship game.  Hell, they are NEVER going to get into the BCS, so why not?

So who got screwed by the demise of the WAC?  Sorry Jeff, that was Texas State who ends up going to the Sun Belt Conference while their sister school, UT-San Antonio ends up in the mega-conference.

NBA.   There’s no other way to put it – on Sunday Night in Boston, Atlanta EFFING QUIT, and if I recall this ain’t the first time the Hawks have done this!!!  No wonder the Hawks can't get a fan base - they get blown out every playoffs.

Speaking of not even trying, the Miami Heat are a prime example of why the NBA is unwatchable.  The New York Knicks have multiple injuries, their best big man is sitting on the bench with five fouls, yet the Heat can't close them out?  Stoudamire is playing with one hand and he dominates?  LBJ can't handle Carmelo Anthony when he's a one man show?  I'm not going to go so far as claim another conspiracy theory, but it was obvious that the Heat never left their hotel rooms for this one...

I still believe that San Antonio is still too dominant.  Denver then OKC will run the Lakers out of the gym.

Cougar Report.  Spring practices have wound down and the Cougars had their Purple (Defense) vs. White (Offense) Spring Game.  Jerry brought one of his teammates from the Beavers with him and on the initial kickoff, this dude rant it back 90 yard for a TD.

Jerry played well, but what I was amazed at was the size of the O-Line compared to the D-Line, an average of 50 pounds of difference.

Aussie Rules Football.    Can we talk about actual sports on the field?  An actual good game with non-stop action and a great finish.  I didn’t have commercials, and was just great till the end…

Welcome to your Tuesday Happy Hour, where your barkeep Uncle B.O.B is more than happy to serve you up a happy hour's worth of rants.  So belly up to the bar boys, and let's get to gabbin'.    

Rant #1 – Racists.  Why is it that the race-baiters aren’t screaming bloody murder about the despicable racist blasts directed at Joel Ward on Twitter?  Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but look you racist COWARDS – you are the scum of the earth and should be euthanized.  You are idiots beyond belief.  I have not read the tweets you scumbags put out there, and I’m glad I didn’t.

Ward took the high road, as you would expect any Hockey player to do.  Speaking of which, the good hockey fans came out in support of Ward with support by tapping the ice with the sticks, and fans who provided him with a standing ovation.

While I’m blasting racists – hey Delmon Young you worthless POS, what's your problem?  Did Mommy not give you enough love or something?  At least MLB gave you a seven game sit-down to figure out how to keep ignorant shit from flying out of your cake-hole.

Rant #2 – NBA.  Whatever happened to David Stern the hardass on player misconduct and general overall douchebaggery?  If anybody sees him would you send him back to clean up his product?

By now it should be fairly obvious that somebody needs to get control of the NBA players.  There has been far too many cheap shots and off-court altercations.  Now players are ignoring coaches, disrespecting franchises by refusing to play there, and bumping refs? 

The NBA Front Office can’t do it, there’s too much bad blood.  The Players Union can’t do it when they’re fighting amongst themselves.  As crazy as this sounds, the agents had better get a hold of their clients and settle them down.  This is a business and people are getting frustrated with the product and the attitude.

Rajon Rando gets suspended for two games for throwing a ball at a ref, but gets one game for bumping a ref?  Wow NBA, Wow!

Oh, and I'll be curious to see what they do with Jordan Hill now that he's accused of choking his girlfriend.  I swear I hope that's not true.

Rant #3 – Boston Sports.  Somebody better get a hold of Spenser and Hawk to find out what in the world is going on in the City of Champions?  The Bruins get beat (Let Hawk deal with the racist tweeting twats!), the Red Sox have plenty of questions, the Pats can’t beat New York, and now Rajon Rondo bumps a ref and is going to get suspended (this isn’t the first time Rondo has had it in with refs…). 

Rant #4 – Stanley Cup Playoffs.  Holy Crap this is gonna suck.  Two NY area teams, Philly, and Washington.  Great, four teams 225 miles apart, and nobody to root for. 

Rant #5 – NFL Draft.  I have to admit, I had the draft on and could barely contain any interest.  But a few thoughts starting out with – THERE’S NO WINNERS AND LOSERS, AND YOU CAN’T GIVE A GRADE.

How funny was it that the gallery went with the "what?" chant every time the Sheriff spoke?

How did Georgia get seven players in the NFL Draft?  The only college that did better was Alabama with Eight.

Pittsburgh didn’t seem to bother drafting anything but O-Line help, but it’s what they needed.

Hey Cincinnati, I’m not understanding why you signed Vontaze Burfict.  Yeah, you might need LB help, but the Bengals are the last place a head case needs to be.

Hey Scott, what’s your third string TE doing tweeting how jacked up it was his team drafted a Punter in the third round?  I suspect Zach Potter will be a no-string unemployed athlete after that.

Rant #6 – Skip Brainless & Stephen A. Smith.  Here’s this gem:

Bayless said that drafting Kirk Cousins could be racial and chided Smith for not bringing it up.  Smith replied that if that happened that Shanahan would be on his way out.

First off – Bayless is an idiot, but its Smith I have an issue with.  Hey Stephen, wasn’t it just two years ago that Shanahan replaced Donovan McNabb with Rex Grossman?  He’s still employed…

Bonus Rant - Soccer.  So I'm at the gym on the treadmill which means I have to watch TV, and what do they have on?  Soccer.  GREAT!  There's more flopping in this sport than a Massachusetts politician, but I digress...

So as I settle in to my routine, I'm watching Manchester City vs. Manchester United.  Between the two of them during the 30 minutes my fat ass was breaking the treadmill, there were only three shots taken on goal - THREE!

Yeah Euros, that's a beautiful game you got there!  No wonder there is so much hooliganism at Soccer games - FANS ARE BORED!

Welcome to the tantrums where Uncle B.O.B. believes that we spend a lot of time thanking the Military but we always seemingly forget to spread a lot of love and respect to firefighters.  Where am I going with this you ask?  Last Tuesday, we were celebrating yet another life - my Uncle Walter who passed away at age 76 from Alzheimer's.  While it sucked, we had a great time hearing some interesting tales for the first time that rivaled Sailors and their sea stories.  All funny!

My Uncle Walter was a huge man with a great sense of humor who loved to make kids smile.  He was a lifelong firefighter for the California Division of Forestry (CDF) and that was his life.  He hung out with his buddies at the local coffee shops and CDF houses to talk shop and relive memories of the job he loved so dearly.  He dressed up as Smokey the Bear for many an event.  He loved going camping and hunting and always told my kids about his upcoming trips to the mountains for what he called “Bible Study”.  Yeah, it was code and we always got a good laugh out of it. 

Later this Spring, his ashes will be spread over a lake in a beautiful alpine setting where he loved to camp and hunt.  RIP Uncle Walter.   

Rant #1 – Los Angeles Lakers.  Can somebody PLEASE explain to me how the NBA hasn't come down on this team full of cheap-shot artists?  Kobe Bryant, Andrew Bynum, Artest, Matt Barnes and at the time Lamar Odom ALL have had questionable hits, yet not one talking head is discussing this.  What is it going to take for somebody to get these jerk-offs under control?  It’s this simple – THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS ARE THE NBA’S DIRTIEST TEAM and have been for quite awhile. There’s nobody out there who can argue that, and if you try to argue the point with me, I’m not listening! Kobe Bryant flailing his elbows yet again yesterday, Bynum, Odom had a bad cheap shot at the end of last season, and now Ron Artest had a flashback.

First off Dyan Cannon, never interrupt an interview again – when the hell was this thing last relevant, the 1970’s?  Secondly, you and Jack Nicholson's shriveled up 75 year old ass need to go away.

I read some comments about Harden flopping, but to those who said that, he has a freaking concussion – ARGUMENT OVER!!!  Artest needs to be suspended for ten games minimum, but because it’s the Lakers, David $tern and his little discipline puppet Stu Jackson don’t have the balls to do what’s right.  Guaranteed that if Artest was playing for anybody else, he’d be suspended far more than he’s gonna get.

LA Laker fans are straight up PIECES OF SHIT!  Booing the call and then cheering when Artest left the floor?  You suck!

Rant #2 – Minnesota Vikings.  I don’t know if Zygi Wilf reads the Gab (he should), but I want to tell him something – Don’t move the Vikes to LA!  This isn’t another anti-LA rant, this is actually business.  Now Doug might want to disagree with this, but I don’t remember the Rams and Raiders getting such a fervent following down in Botox-land.  Did they sell tickets?  Yep, but remember LA is a front-runner town and if you’re not winning, people will find something better with their discretionary income, and it certainly won’t be to watch a losing product on the field.

I understand that “the Hefty Dome” is BS and you need a place of your own, but from what I gather from my spy back there (Jerry), the Vikes have a HUGE following not only in Minnesota, but in South Dakota and Iowa as well, and probably North Dakota too.  Those fans have supported that franchise BIG time, you’ll never get that in LA, I promise you that.  

Rant #3 – Oakland A’s.  Last week, I ranted on lack of stick for the A’s.  They must read the Gab.  This isn’t so much of a rant as it is a surprise.  The A’s struggled with the Mariners in what seemed like a forever long series, but did they go down to Halo-land and take three of four from the Angels?  Bartolo Colon is pitching damn good?  What the heck is going on here? 

And then this gem on Twitter.  Brandon McCarthy tweet that he goes in for his pee test with his shirt off and the tester laughs and says “Never mind man.  I think you’re good.”    

Rant #4 – Texas Rangers.  Just as I was bragging on how the Rangers couldn't be beat, karma kicked me square in the butt.  Of course, on the day the Rangers honor Ivan Rodriguez, the Yankees come to Arlington and bust out the whooping sticks.  Damn Texas, you can smoke everybody in the AL, but you lay an egg for the NY Sewer Rats?  Damn... 

Rant #5 – NFL Draft.  Could you imagine the joy Jud might have felt this week? 

Lots of chatter about many teams wanting to trade down in the draft.  Far more so than teams willing to move up.

I’m a huge fan of the draft, it gives a renewed sense of hope to fans of many teams.  Hell, out here it gives Raider fans another excuse to party (as if they need another one) and talk crap about playing ball in February.  But what I’m not a fan of is the First Round on Thursdays, a few rounds on Friday, and finishing up with scrub Saturday.  It doesn’t make sense.

The upcoming draft turns on what the Vikings do at #3.  Should be interesting because I believe that the Vikings are distracted, and that only benefits Cleveland at #4.  PREDICTION:  Watch New England be heavily involved, perhaps sneaking up the draft board.  Hey Cleveland, is that opportunity knocking?

Dolphin fan, it sucks to be you and have no hope.  An owner who could be the worst in the NFL and maybe all of sports, a clueless GM who can't sell his team to free agents, and a very predictable outcome in the draft.  How did it all go so wrong in Miami, a place tailor-made for football?

While I'm ranting, hey 49ers, feel free to draft a WR/KR specialist.  Do I really need to explain why?

Rant #6 – Penn State.  Well lookie whose back in the news.  These douche bags at Penn State offered the Paterno family to rename Beaver stadium in honor of Joe Paterno.  One catch – the family couldn’t sue the university.  What is Penn State so afraid of?

San Francisco 49ers.  For the first time in many moons in California a pro sport franchise (the 49ers) broke ground on their new state-of-the-art stadium down in Santa Clara.  Everybody knows Candlestick Park outlived its usefulness long ago, but there was a definite home field advantage there between the soft turf and incredibly weird weather that rolls through. 

Candlestick still has probably three years left, but there are lots of memories of the old joint.   The 1960’s Giants, those early 1970’s 49er teams, that incredible Giant run in 1978, the 49ers dynasty, and just last year the most incredible and improbable 49er run of all.

Deion Sanders.  Damn this fool was a Seminole?  Look Prime Time, it’s bad form to be tweeting about a domestic violence issue (especially your own) while you're in hangin' out at the po-po filling out reports.   

OK Gabbers, it's your turn to rant - get there!!!

In the immortal words of Jerry Reed, "You've got him you lucky devil", and by that I mean that you have Uncle B.O.B. making a second appearance.  Come on now, you know you love it!  

Yesterday, we had no company at the house and the kids were all out, so Mrs. B.O.B. and I looked at each other and said "ROAD TRIP"...

We had a great time going into the mountains and hanging out in the beautiful Carson Valley of Nevada:

where mama and I won some cash after playing the slots.  Then we got in the car after awhile and decided we weren't done yet, so we drove over to South Lake Tahoe and had some fun at the Montbleu.  A little weird there as everybody came rolling into the Hotel wearing pirate costumes.  A bit of a freak show, but what the hell, eh?  But surprise of surprises at least to me, my favorite nurse, my daughter was there.  To make a long story short, it was happy hour and there were one-dollar tacos and one-dollar margaritas, so Mrs. B.O.B. and Nurse Rachet B.O.B. and her posse started throwing down the Tequila like it was water in the desert.  Some funny shit right there.  Oh well, on to the sports:

So we get done with lunch at the first casino and start playing games.  I look up at the sports book and Boston is up 9-1 after six, so I was dumb enough to figure - no problem.  Uh, BIG problem because after a few minutes I looked up again and it was 9-8 Boston.  The Cranks went on to win 15-9 AT FENWAY!  Yeah, I imagine that went over like a fart in church.  Nice job Sawx!  That noise you heard was the noose tightening around the neck of Bobby V.

Psst, did you know that of the last three perfect games, two were by the Chicago White Sox?  Are we overlooking the South-Siders?  Nice job to the Pale Hose, but don't get too cocky, you did it against Seattle.

The Texas Rangers are just pounding fools, aren't they?  If the Anaheim Angels don't pull their heads out of their asses soon, then there ain't gonna be a race in the AL West.

So here's the NBA making themselves look 100% stupid ONCE AGAIN!  It's bad enough that Dwayne Wade (who is rapidly becoming a big-time douche bag) and Ray Allen demanding to get paid to play on the USA Olympic Team.  Mark Cuban says that the NBA shouldn't send it's players to participate because why should the Olympics make money off the backs of NBA players?  OK, here's my take - NO MORE PROS - send the college players.  Frankly I'm sick of this mockery.  Wasn't Carmelo acting like a spoiled little bitch last time because of a lack of PT?  And I think there were others.  Enough - NBA PLAYERS SHOULD NOT REPRESENT THE USA IN OLYMPIC BASKETBALL - THESE INGRATES ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO OLE GLORY!!!

Did Chicago and Phoenix have another OT game last night?  Damn!  

I'm sitting in the casino and the only screaming I hear is when the fight breaks out between San Jose player who used his head as a punching bag against a St. Louis player.  Nice job Sharks, you screwed up in the playoffs yet again!

Am I reading that right, the Caps are up three games to two on the Bruins?  Uh oh, Boston is going to go into MELTDOWN MODE.

Sorry folks, I don't have much more for you this week.  Let's get to gabbin' on these subjects or something else if you want...