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Danica's Wreckless Abandon...
Category: Daily Blog 2.0
Tags: Danica Patrick NASCAR Indy Car

 

 

Hmmmm...

 

I wonder what this blog could be about....

 

It opens with a singer named Crash...

 

Singing the double entendre...

 

Rub it In....

 

Hmmmm...

 

Anybody gotten into any crashes lately???

 

Hmmm....

 

Anybody complained about being taken as a sex symbol lately???

 

Hmmm...

 

When was the last time that THAT anybody ever won a race???

 

Hmmm...

 

Reports are...

 

Our little cutie actually DID win a race...

 

In Japan...

 

(Please refrain from the Asian driver jokes at this time...)

 

So...

 

For those of you...

 

And me...

 

Who never thought she’d won a race...

 

And that she’s the Anna Kournikova of racing...

 

You...

 

Check that...

 

We are wrong...

 

The 2008 Indy Japan 300...

 

That’s right...

 

Don’t choke on your tempura...

 

Danica crossed the finish line before everybody else...

 

Hmmmm...

 

I guess THAT’S why the media ogles over her...

 

You’d think she’d won a race every other week...

 

I mean...

 

The woman is everywhere...

 

But don’t you dare call her a sex symbol...

 

 

Call her the girl next door...

 

Put her on the remake of Gilligan’s Island...

 

As Mary Ann...

 

Not a hint of Ginger in her at all...

 

I actually thought she was Amish...

 

 

“I’m tough enough to take on any thing...”

 

“And fast enough to get away with it...”

 

“When you Peak you win...”

 

 

Peak-a-boo, Danica...

 

Those aren't exactly the phrases I would hear...

 

At my Wednesday night Bible Study...

 

So let’s face it, Sugar Lips...

 

When you make your bed...

 

 

You’ve got to lie in it...

 

And since you’ve said your piece...

 

About not wanting to be a sex symbol...

 

You’ve “bumped” into some trouble, haven’t you???

 

Three scrapes in one week???

 

Maybe not your fault, Danica...

 

But maybe a little...

 

 

Karma corn???

 

I mean...

 

  I could barely contain myself...

 

One bad Danica Patrick joke after another...

 

Right there...

 

On my facebook page...

 

 

I once bumped into Danica Patrick

And told her it was nice to meet her,

But said I was sorry that my hair was such a wreck...

 

 

I think Danica Patrick would be more successful if she quit NASCAR

And entered the demolition derby...

 

 

I can't wait to buy the new Danica Patrick doll,

But it actually looks more like a crash dummy...

.

 

 

 

Danica Patrick listens to Freddy Fender music...

 

 

Danica Patrick: You are NOT at the county fair

And those are NOT bumper cars...

 

 

 

 

I stopped at five,

Then my son Ryan inspired me to do a few more...

 

 

 

Why stop at 5 Awful Danica jokes?

I feel like you had at least 6 or 7 more in you...

 

 

So I proceeded...

 

 

Is Danica Patrick's crew chief named Rex???

 

 

Don't worry.

Danica Patrick will bounce back next year...

 

 

Sorry.

This might be the last Danica Patrick joke.

I think I'm hitting the wall...

 

 

And, finally...

 

 

It's not wise to get into a wreck with Danica Patrick

because her middle name is Sue...

 

 

It really is...

 

 

Look it up...

 

 

Then Ryan got to the real reason Danica didn’t win Daytona...

 

 

 

My Joke:

Many NASCAR analysts were picking Danica to win Daytona this weekend,

unfortunately they did not factor in all the times

she would have to pull over to pee

and ask for directions.

 

 

 

And if that wasn’t funny enough...

 

 

He chimed in again...

 

 

 

Analysts also forgot to factor in the recent construction

Of a Nordstrom outlet mall at turn 3,

Having said, "damn that half yearly sale really killed our chances!"

 

 

So, Danica...

 

 

Please keep your hood closed...

 

 

And hands off your trunk...

 

 

You're not a sex symbol...

 

 

But on the track..

 

 

 

 

You're a 10...

 

 

Ten???

 

 

That number belongs to NASCAR great...

 

 

 

 

Bo Derek...

 

 

So remember Miss-Not-So-Sexy-Danica...

 

 

They call it race...

 

 

Not racy...

 

 

 

 

 

dvt

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEHtfdGElKo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLLZhAVeB8Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGAihpmUVYE

​http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/swimsuit/image/2008/08_danica-patrick_portrait_01.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIOCfrgcon4

​http://www.torquenews.com/sites/default/files/image-106/%5Btitle-raw%5D/danica%20patrick%20impala%20sprint%20cup.jpg?1330050894

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VOIu6crmZjg/Ta8axyubcGI/AAAAAAAAEJI/B8PVqbpp8Uw/s1600/bo_derek_gallery_main_2.jpg

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