- Friday Roundtable Pipes

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Posted by Morrisseyweb Mar 5th

Sometimes things work out. Sometimes not. This is a truism of our lives, to be sure, but in this case I have to say the universe must've been paying attention to Old Mo.

Sometimes, pipes just burst or a discharge hose erupts. People have even been known to deliberately cap off their pipes because it's no longer desirable for those pipes to continue to operate. And sometimes accidents can simply break your pipes. Some like to simply relax with their pipes. My weekend was something of a memorable one - in a negative sort of way - but I like to think of the entire experience as the universe looking down favorably upon your somewhat slow witted and dullard scribe.

It seems that I had set my mind to doing some home improvement right about the time one of my bathroom pipes had decided that it had come to the end of its useful life. The end result was some 20 hours spent knee deep in fiberglass insulation, plumbing fixtures, copper tubing, and Sawzalls. Long about 2 AM Monday morning, I had finally gotten the state of affairs together enough to be able to turn the house water back on. As I climbed into bed - as I found a few hours later as I was getting ready for work, I spent the night sleeping encased in the wonderful insulating quality of fiberglass - I thanked my wife for not having killed me for destroying the house and having had to cut through the shower to gain access to the tub pipes. The wonderful new water feature in my kitchen below the bathroom wasn't as warmly received as I had hoped it would be.

As it happens, though, a claim on the homeowners insurance has led to the kitchen wall and ceiling being cut open and dehumidified. Honest to God, I can see the bathroom through the ceiling/subflooring exposed in the kitchen. So, there it is. I am officially an idiot. Plumbing is not for slow witted, dull writers and folks who are generally poorly conditioned to working with their hands.

How is it, then, that the universe could've been looking out for me? Well, it seems that the kitchen will now receive the professional paint job it should've had when we remodeled the place some 18 months back, and the late 1980's color-motif in the master bathroom will have to be gutted out and will be replaced with something a little more contemporary and a little less "Florida Marlins." I hope. So, it was almost like New Years' at the Mo Compound what with the promise of better things to come and all.

And with that little segue, we arrive on the sports page. As of 12 Midnight this morning, the NFL begans it's new year and no longer has a salary cap. Now because the salary cap was what the union agreed to for free agency rights (tit-for-tat as it were...which is somewhat different than the Erin Andrews story in as much as there was no "tat" involved there), players with less than 6-years of playing time are not allowed unrestricted free agency. Expect highly compensated non-performers to be released without worry of a salary cap hit, and high-performing players with less than 6-years of service time to be tendered lower than expected contracts because teams probably won't part with the draft picks required to poach the now restricted free agents. For a super guide on what the "new" rules are, check out the Mile High Report.

One of the first highly compensated non-performers to be terminated, Laveranues Coles was released by the Bengals today after failing to live up to expectations on the field, but apparently for having a positive impact in the locker room. So to replace him the Bungles are looking at...TO? Serious? Can you imagine a locker room that's already rather tenuous with man-child Chad Ochocinco and add to that Terrell Owens?

Meanwhile, O.J. Atogwe received a low tender from the Rams banking on the idea that no one else will offer him an unmatchable deal. The earthquake in Chile was powerful enough to shift the planet's axis. The NFL losing the salary cap is the sports equivalent.

So, Sydney Crosby has his name engraved on the Stanley Cup and scored the winning goal in overtime to lead the Canadians to an Olympic Gold medal in a little more than a year. Ryan Miller, the USA goaltender who coughed up that goal has only a silver medal to show for his Olympic efforts and plays for a good, but historically hapless Buffalo team, has neither the cache nor the prowess that Crosby has. However, the dude has a smoking hot girlfriend - something that Syd the Kid apparently does not. Hard to say whose got the better deal. So, Crosby may be banging the puck between the pipes, but Miller seems to be more interested in banging a separate set of pipes.

One thing that seems sure, is that Yao Ming has pipes that are delivering the goods - his wife Ye Li are expecting their first child sometime in July. The issue from his country of origin is that because he is in the US receiving medical treatment and if the child is born in the US, that baby would be an American...and therefore would have the right to stay in the US and might not want to play ball in China. Given that both parents are basketball players, there is a good chance. Good thing they're concerned about the important things...

Do yourself a favor, go to the kitchen sink, turn on the tap, and grab yourself a glass of water...you never know when your pipes might give out. Keep those bananas from breaking.