Hello ladies and gents, and welcome to Monday Mayhem with your old pal, IHM.

   Been a hell of a week, getting a few more things checked off the list on the home repairs, and adding a few more things as we go along! Yeah, so the hot water heater we bought, same place we bought the furnace from, turns out the liner was broken... so they came out to turn the water on, and we end up with a flood in the laundry room! So, needless to say, we're gonna have to go buy a new one of those! As for the other issue, that happened when we had the fine folks come out and reconnect our natural gas. Everything in the HOUSE was fine... but it turns out the tool that used to own the place had a line run out to the garage... so as soon as the gas comes on, gas starts flooding into the entire garage. Had to rip out a part of the wall to find the gas line broken in half! Easy solution to that one, though... just shut off the gas going out to the garage. Other than that, things are going smoothly, and hopefully we'll be moved out by the end of the month.

  Before I get into my usual sports speal, I just need to ask for a little help from my friends out there. Thanksgiving is coming up, and I need to fill out the roster for my annual Turkey Bowl blog... This is something I take seriously, and as such I do not want to miss anybody who deserves their comeuppence... so, aside from the obvious jerkoffs, such as AFraud, Favre, Roethlisberger, and Tiger Woods, who else do you want to see in this year's Turkey Bowl? PLEASE let me know in the comments below. I've got my ideas already, but I just don't want to miss anybody.

  So, I notice the latest BCS standings came out, and that nothing has changed... Oregon, Auburn, TCU and Boise are still the top dogs. Oregon squeaked out a 15-13 win over Cal, thanks in part to Cal's tool of a kicker missing a fairly easy field goal in the 4th. Auburn beat up on Georgia 49-31, TCU beat San Diego State 40-35, and Boise beat up on Idaho Friday night. If nothing else, I thought TCU would loose some ground on Boise after only winning by 5, and maybe Oregon would drop a spot only winning by 2 over Cal; but apparently things were just fine with the BCS the way they were.

  As for everything surrounding Auburn right now, the allegations of Cam Newton's father seeking compensation for Newton's services, as well as allegations of academic fraud against Newton for his days at Florida, if it was the sort of thing that had nothing to it, it would have gone away by now. Honestly, the best thing for college football right now would be for Auburn to loose, that way Auburn doesn't end up with a tainted national championship, and Newton likely doesn't win the Heisman, which helps college football from having yet another tainted Heisman trophy year, like the '05 Heisman with Reggie Bush. Hopefully 'Bama gets the job done in the Iron Bowl, and all of this goes away, at least from a national perspective.

  And, it has to be said, so I'll say it... the Buffalo Bills will not become the second 0-16 team in NFL history, thanks to the first 0-16 team in NFL history, the Detroit Lions. The Lions preserved their place in NFL history while extending another of their own NFL records by loosing their 25th straight road game, topping the 24 game streak they've set TWICE this decade. Yeah, two seperate times these tools have dropped at least 24 in a row on the road. Next week, the Lions travel to Dallas for a game against the Cowboys... who looked a hell of a lot better this week in beating the Giants 33-20.

  As for the rest of the NFL this week, about the only real suprise was Denver's destruction of KC, 49-29. Tim Teblow threw his first career TD pass in the win. With the KC loss, the Raiders now move into sole posession of first place in the AFC West with the head-to-head lead over the Chiefs.

  The Browns disappointed in their bid to knock off another playoff contender, loosing in OT to the Jets 26-20.

  To finish things off this week, I have to take a shot at Washington Post columnist John Feinstein, for making the suggestion that Redskins coach Mike Shanahan is a racist for having benched Donovan McNabb at the end of the teams' loss to the Lions. In his column, he implies that through "racial coding", Shanahan suggested that McNabb was stupid, with his reasoning for benching McNabb because he didn't understand the terminology to run the two minute offense. Look Feinstein, it's bad enough that there are people out there ignorant enough to claim racism at every turn to benefit themselves, it's even worse when some old, white idiot claims it in order to sell their failing newspaper. McNabb never pulled the race card, this pathetic excuse for a writer did. Not only should Shanahan NOT be fired at your urging, YOU should for putting something this ridiculous in writing... and your editor should be too for allowing it to see the light of day.

  That's it for this week, folks. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out.

   Well folks, it's that time once again. The weekend's over, and it's time to get back to the weekly grind. For me, this week is going to be one full of work on the house, hopefully inching ever closer to getting all that shit done and over with. Gotta tell you, though, looking at the place today compared to what it looked like when we finally closed on it, it's nice to finally be able to see some progress!

  To start things off, I just have to say what a load of shit it is that I not only had to pay $500 to the city for a "bond", that is refundable when I complete all the required repairs within 90 days. Well, in order to complete said repairs, I also need to pay for two $90 homeowner's permits... one for the electrical and one for plumbing... and the only plumbing repair needed is to raise the freaking valve 18 inches on the hot water heater. On top of all that, those cock gobblers will likely want at least two bills to do the fucking inspection, so I can finally get my Certificate of Occupancy, and finally pay another hundred bucks to move all my shit in! Hey, wouldn't be that bad if I didn't also need to buy around $2,500 in materials to get all that shit done! Just can't wait to get all this shit done and over with, and to quit dumping all this money on the Home Depot.

  As for sports this weekend... gotta be honest, I don't get the point of watching horse racing. I guess it might be nice if you have a few bucks riding on the ponies... but other than that, it's just a bunch of midgets riding massive animals once or twice around a track. As for the star of the weekend, Zenyatta, I was glad to see that cunt loose! The fucking fools at ESPiN spent the entire week talking up her 19-0 record, comparing her to the best female athletes of all time, and basically shitting all over any progress women's athletics has made since the early 1900s by suggesting a fucking horse is superior to them all! The worst thing, they're acting as though the horse actually gives a fuck if it wins or looses. Look, the damn horse just wants to get that little bastard off it's back, and get back to the stable for some oats and apparently some beer. If the horse actually DOES want to win, it's only because it wants to get out to pasture and not get turned into dog food and glue.

  As for the little bastard on the horse's back, forget the little shit's name, what the hell was that little crying fit about after the race? Look, it's gotta be rough enough being three feet tall, let alone publicly acting like a little pussy! At least give yourself a snowball's chance in hell of finding out "what it's like to be with a regular size woman".

  Now, on to real sports... specifically football! Big weekend, with the highest scoring ballgame in Big Ten regular-season history taking place between the Michigan Wolverines and the Fightin' Illini... 67-65... it's college football, not college basketball. Incidentally, the final score of this game was higher than the past three meetings between the school's basketball teams. Look, I hate the Wolverines as much as the next guy... but that score was just stupifying. And, before I'm done with this game, I just want to bitch about college football's overtime system. Just a stupid, stupid set of rules associated with the greatest game on earth. Make it sudden death already, and quit with all this candy assed "everybody gets a turn" crap.

  Otherwise in college football, all of the top four teams survived the weekend, with Oregon, Auburn and Boise State dismantling inferior teams, and with #3 TCU putting the beat down on #5 Utah, 47-7. Honestly, I was pissed off that this game wasn't broadcast anywhere in my area... until I saw the final score at least. In the end, didn't wind up being much of a game to watch anyhow. But, really BCS... TCU beats the #5 team in the country, and Auburn plays a fucking JV team, and the Frogs don't get a leg up on anybody? What the fuck is that about?

  Now, on to some football that makes sense... win and you're in style... the NFL. The Lions today... what else can you say? Look, they played a good game, had a shot at beating the media's favorite NFL team, and blew it. You can bitch and piss and moan about Trevor Pryce knocking Hanson out and costing the Lions an extra point, but it doesn't matter... you're STILL 2-6.

  One thing that floored me about that game, the appearance of the fattest bastard ever to kick in the NFL's history... yeah, the Lions had Ndamukong Suh attempt the extra point after Hanson was knocked out. Would have been cute had he made it, but now, especially since they would have won 21-20 with the extra point, but he missed it. The first question that comes to mind is what the fuck is wrong with Nick Harris? Usually, the kicker goes down and your punter is the backup for extra points... is Harris just that piss poor of a field goal kicker that a 300-pound DT gives you a better shot? If that's the case, God help that guy when his contract is up.

  As for Julian Peterson, the asshat whose penalty cost the Lions valuable yardage on the Jets final drive, I hope that stupid shit costs him his starting job. I don't care who else you throw in there, any player, especially a veteran like Peterson, needs to know better than that. Just flat-out bushleague.

  On the plus side today, at least the Browns shocked the world once again, this week beating the Patriots 34-14 behind another monster game from Peyton Hillis and a solid outing from rookie QB Colt McCoy. Improving to 3-5 with their second win against a top-flite opponent, it looks like barring a disaster the rest of the way, Mangina will be back next year, no matter what the Walrus wants.

  Another bright side... at least the Lions won't be the worst team playing on Thanksgiving this year! The Cowboys dropped to 1-7 on the year with a blowout loss to the Packers on Sunday night football. Wonder how many bad years it'll take from the Cow-girls for dipshits to start crying about "letting another team play on Thanksgiving"... especially since those tools just stole the idea from the Lions anyhow!

  Baseball free-agecy kicks off soon, and here's hoping the Tigers make a move or two, and mix up this lineup that has choked two of the past three years down the stretch. As much as I want them to throw some duckets Cliff Lee's way and add to their rotation, it's more likely they'll make a run at Victor Martinez, the best catcher on the market. Hell, if nothing else, take a shot at both of them. You've got Maggs, Bondo, and Sheffield's massive contracts falling off the cap this year, why not turn that money into potentially the top two free agents available this offseason?

  No matter what happens, you really just have to wonder which free agents will become the newest enemies of everybody outside of New York, or sign with the Yankees. Personally, I hope that Lee doesn't sign with the Yankees. I really like the guy, and if nothing else, he should tell them to fuck off on principle, especially after the way those fucking animals in the Yankee Stadium stands treated his wife during the playoffs. Sure, a 100+ nearly 200 million dollar check solves quite a few problems, but that's the kind of shit I personally just couldn't overlook, especially when there are plenty of other teams out there willing to drop the same kind of coinage on you.

  That's gonna do it for this week, ladies and gents. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great week, Gabbers.

   Well folks, we've reached yet another fine Monday morning here at the Gab, and that can mean only one thing... another edition of Monday Mayhem with IHM.

  Big week for me personally, I'll be closing on the new house on Wednesday, and hopefully moved in within a month! It seems that after our walkthrough and the offer was submitted on the house, somebody broke in and stole the furnace and hot water heater. This only adds to the laundry list of things we need to fix before we can move in... but, as a great man once said, "it's nothing time and money can't fix!" Hopefully just not TOO much money. The house was listed with HUD... which in Michigan, apparently puts the same lock and key on every single fucking house... with every real estate agent in the state having access to a copy of that key. So, in essence, any real estate agent in the state could have had something to do with the "walking away" of the furnace and hot water heater... so at this point the only thing to do is get the hell over it and get on with the show.

  To start things off this week, I'd like to send my thoughts and prayers to Lions LB Zach Follett, who suffered an apparent neck injury yesterday in New York after taking a helmet to helmet hit from Giants DE Jason Pierre-Paul. It wasn't a dirty play, and it didn't look as though Paul actually led with his helmet on purpose... just one of those freak things that happen on an average NFL play. News today is that Follett has movement in all his extremeties, and there was no sign of fracture on the cervical spine... so it looks as though he is out of the woods in terms of becoming the third former Lions player to become paralyzed due to an on-field incident. Follett was actually one of the good stoires in Detroit thus far this season. Because of injuries, the 7th round pick in 2009 has been starting at linebacker for the Lions, and doing a solid job. Hopefully he's healthy again #1, and possibly even healthy enough to resume playing in the NFL.

  As for the Lions' actual game, just a matter of being beat by a team that is better than you are. They put up a good fight, especially after loosing yet another starting QB to piss poor line play, this time Shaun Hill to a broken left forearm, and having to use Drew Stanton at QB. Stanton was a little bit of good and bad in his first extensive NFL action... but the kid SERIOUSLY needs to get some sort of a clock in his head and to learn how to get rid of the damned ball instead of holding it too long and being stripped. Especially with Jeff Backus handing out free passes to the quarterback to whoever lines up across from him.

  It seems like a Jeff Backus rant has become a weekly feature on Mondays... and here's this week's: As far as Backus goes... he made his 150th consecutive start last week, a Lions' record. Of all the guys on this team to be an ironman... it's the worst left tackle in the league? I mean, I don't think this guy could block my grandmother. The Lions had better hope they find a worth while left tackle either in the draft or in free agency... because if not, your investment in Matt Stafford was a complete and total waste of money. No sense in paying him all that money if you can't keep him upright and healthy. Job #1 is to get Backus the hell out of here... the guy is a joke, and the embodiment of exactly what has been wrong with this organization for the past decade. Hell, the rest of the season should be nothing more than a countdown of the number of weeks Jeff Backus has left as a Detroit Lion... and probably as an NFL player.

  But even with Backus bumbling around at left tackle, the Lions shot themselves in the foot AGAIN with 11 penalties for 91 yards. When you combine that with the fact that your third string quarterback led the team in rushing with 30 yards, chances are you're not going to beat anyone, let alone a playoff-caliber team like the Giants. Keep that shit up, and it looks like another march to a top ten pick for the Lions.

  As for the relevant teams in the NFL... how about that whacky NFC West... three teams with a shot at the division... and NONE of them play in San Fransisco! Even the Rams, last year's owner of the top overall pick, have a shot sitting at 3-3 after beating the San Diego Chargers yesterday. Over in the AFC, things have gone a little more to script, with the exception of the Chiefs leading the West.

  As for the NCAA... the first BCS rankings came out Sunday night, and no suprise, despite being #2 in every poll, Boise gets screwed. That's right, if the season ended today, you're looking at an Oklahoma-Oregon National Championship game, with Boise once again on the outside looking in. And even with Oregon being ranked #1 in all polls, Oklahoma is at the top of the BCS standings. The rest of the rankings pretty much follow suit, with fellow undefeateds Auburn, TCU, LSU, Michigan State, Missouri and Oklahoma State all down the list.

  Which brings us to the former #1, the Ohio State Buckeyes. Have to be honest, even as a Buckeye fan, I was rooting for Wisconson in this one. Anything that leads to Boise finally getting their chance, I'm for it. Now we just need losses by Oklahoma, Oregon, and probably EVERY other undefeated team in a bigger conference, in order for the Broncos to get their chance. The only thing I can really say is that I hope Terelle Pryor heads to the pros this offseason... because I just don't see the guy leading this team to a championship, so what's the point of wasting yet another year.

  In the Biggs, both the ALCS and NLCS are tied at a game apiece, thanks to the efforts of Roy Oswalt last night for the Phillies, who went 8 innings of three hit ball, allowing just one run. The NLCS shifts over to San Fransisco for Tuesday night's game 3, as the ALCS heads to New York for tonight's game three matchup of Cliff Lee and Andy Pettite. LOVE the way Ron Washington has set up Lee for a road start here, especially with his struggles in Arlington. At some point, though, he's going to have to pick up a home win for Texas to take this series. Yet again... here's to a Rangers-Giants World Series!

  That's it for this week, folks. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out.

  Well it's a new week here at the Gab, and we all know what that means... a day of good, clean family fun, including a little Monday Mayhem with IHM.

  To start things off this week, I really need to ask what the hell happened to that whole "Thinning the herd" idea. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the stupid assholes in the world supposed to slowly kill themselves off, while the smarter, better adjusted members of our society supposed to survive and thrive? So why the hell is it that every week, it seems like some jackass has some idiotic brush with the law, then comes back later in the week and has some kind of a big game? If you haven't guessed by now, I'm talking about New York Jets WR Braylon Edwards, the douchebag that was stopped for drunk driving on Monday night, and scored a TD in the Jets 31-23 win over the Dolphins on Sunday Night Football.

  I guess the thing that really pisses me off about the whole thing is not just that he's playing football just six days removed from doing this, it's that he's still alive six days removed from driving drunk. It really makes me wonder what the hell ever happened to the drunk idiot that goes to drive home and wraps his car around a light post, a tree, or even the good ol' fashioned driving it off a fucking bridge. Why is it every time they either get pulled over first, or find another car or person to plow into?

  It pisses me off enough when I hear about someone even working for minimum wage not calling for a fucking cab instead of driving home when they've had too much... but this douche is a millionaire; the money is NOT an issue there. Not just that, but the NFL provides a program where all this jerkoff has to do is make one phone call, one simple, probably even toll-free phone call, and you get a fucking free cab ride home, at the team's expense. I think the worst thing yet is that Edwards was the asshole in the car with Dontae Stallworth when he ignored the NFL's free-ride program, drove home drunk and killed a man walking by the side of the road in Miami. So it's NOT like he doesn't know what the potential consequences of his actions were.

  Once again, I really hope the guy gets whatever the maximum fine and jail sentence for this... but as usual, he'll probably just get a slap on the wrist, just like the Jets gave him last night. Probably won't even see another day of jail time... and he'll probably get caught doing the same damned thing in another couple of months or years. Just have to hope that he doesn't end up like his boy Dontae' to learn his lesson, and that nobody else has to end up like the man who wound up underneath Stallworth's car dead.

  As for the Dolphins- Jets game last night, NBC has once again really pissed me off. I've seen it in the NBA, I've seen it a few other places, and it pisses me off there, too... but what the fuck is with all this spanish shit? Los Dolphins Miamis, like the Miami Heat with their Los Heat jerseys... correct me if I'm wrong, but this IS still America right... don't we speak fucking english here? Don't people coming in here have to adapt to US and OUR culture, not the other way around? Or did we already just throw in the fucking towel because we're too fucking afraid to offend someone, or sound a bit prejudice in the process of preserving OUR own culture and speaking OUR own language without having to translate in our own country?

  The Lions fell to 0-3 yesterday at the hands of Brett Favre and the Vikings, and I've got to be honest... I really hope that Stefan Logan is in the fucking unemployment line tomorrow. Look, things were going pretty well for the Lions, they were up 7-0, just forced the Vikes to punt, when Logan muffs the fucking punt, gives the Vikings the ball back at their own 24. Next play, Chris Houston goes all fucking statue and Percy Harvin runs right past him... Houston doesn't even flinch, and Harvin has himself an easy, untouched 24-yard TD catch. Look, Logan has one job, and that is to NOT turn the ball over on punt and kick returns. The guy basically handed that game over to Minnesota yesterday, and I hope today he's gone. Sure, the Vikings might have won the game anyhow, but it's a hell of a lot better to loose because another team is better than you, not because some asshole kick returner can't make a catch.

 
  On the college side, great to see that Nevada is ranked for the first time since 1948. Gives Boise another potential top 25 team to beat, and hopefully gives the haters another reason to shut the fuck up. Now if only Ryan Mallet would have thrown the ball to his teammates and not Alabama in the fourth quarter on Saturday, we'd be talking about Boise having a sure-shot at the title game should they run the table the rest of the way. As for the rest of the college football world... gotta wonder what the hell is going on with Texas... losing to UCLA, and losing BIG to UCLA. Dropped them all the way down to #21... from #7. Hell of a fall, and you have to hope they'll avoid the "fire Mack Brown" talk down there despite the loss.

   As for baseball, a couple of damn fine races still going on, and only another week for everything to work its self out. Everybody has 7-8 games left, and there are still a few things undecided. The AL East has the Rays over the Yankees by a half game, and the NL West has the Giants up a half game on the Padres, while the Rockies still loom out there, but would likely have to run the table AND get some major help to make it at this point. The Braves and Padres/Giants... whomever looses the NL West, are just a half game apart for the NL Wild Card spot as well. No matter what way you look at it, should be an intriguing final week for Major League Baseball... and no matter what, you know who I'll be rooting against. Hopefully the Yankees open up the playoffs at Minnesota, while the Rays open up at home against the Rangers.

  That's it for me this week folks. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out.

   Happy Monday folks, and welcome to the Monday Madhouse here at the Gab with your old pal IHM, settling into my new spot in the weekly rotation alongside the one, the only, the Beezer. Been a hell of a great weekend, due in large part to the return of America's new pasttime, football!

  College football kicked off it's season over the weekend, starting Thursday night with a bunch of games, all leading up to tonight's Boise State- Virginia Tech showdown in D.C. This is Boise's chance to put up or shut up, finally finding a team with the rocks to put them on the schedule to lead things off in Frank Beamer's Hoakies. Should be a hell of a ballgame, but personally I'll be rooting for Boise State to get the job done, and prove all the doubters wrong by parlaying that into an eventual shot at that stupid looking crystal football at the end of the year.

   Funniest story of the weekend, to me, was Ole Miss loosing to Jacksonville State 49-48. Not that I have any problems with the Runnin Rebs, just the man they brought in to play QB, Jeremiah Masoli. This dopehead, thief, and all-around degenerate doesn't belong on a college football team, he belongs in jail. I really enjoyed watching this SEC team loose to an unknown team out of the Ohio Valley Conference on top of it, so this was great for me on a whole bunch of levels!

  My Buckeyes rolled over Marshall, as they were expected to. Now the real test comes next week in the form of #12 (probably higher after the Boise-VT game) Miami. The athleticism of the Canes worries me a bit, but I still think the Buckeyes find a way to pull it out.

  Another source of amusement for me today, how about Mike Shannahan announcing that Albert Haynesworth won't be starting next Sunday's game against the Cowboys? I'm always a big fan of jackasses like Haynesworth getting their come uppins... hope you learn something from it, Fat Albert... but you probably won't, and we'll probably be talking about another tantrum you throw again, and soon.

  And well, since we're talking about jerkoffs getting their come uppins, how about Rangers OF Josh Hamilton taking on the outfield wall... and loosing! Looks like he's out for a while. If you're a Rangers' fan, you really have to hope that division lead holds, especially with both Hamilton and Cliff Lee now out of action for at least this week... but it looks like all they have to do is stay above .500 in the AL West.

  Speaking of struggling teams out west... what the hell happened to the San Diego Padres? Honestly, has anybody seen them for the past, oh, week and a half? Dropped their tenth in a row Sunday, and are now only one game up on the Giants in the NL West. Fun fact of the day, with the loss, the Padres join the 1932 Pirates as the only two teams in MLB history to loose ten straight while in first place.

  Now on to news nobody needs... the Seattle Storm are on their way to the WNBA Finals! By God, I just can't wait to find out whether they'll be playing the New York Liberty or the Atlanta Dream for a shot at the championship. I now feel dumber for even writing that, sorry folks!

   As for the NFL, there were a few big names sent packing today as teams prepare to cut their rosters down to the final 53, leading up to next week's opening weekend. Among the notables, Matt Leinart, T.J. Who's Your Mama, "Fast" Willie Parker, Julius Jones, Javon Walker, and another former Heisman winner in Troy Smith.

  With the NFL season right around the corner, to close things out, I'd like to toss my picks out there for how this season shapes up in my eyes... so without further adieu, here they are:

AFC Division Winners: Indianapolis, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego.

AFC Wild Card: Houston, Baltimore.

AFC Champs: Indianapolis Colts.

NFC Division Winners: Green Bay, San Fransisco, Dallas, New Orleans.

NFC Wild Card: Atlanta, Minnesota.

NFC Champ: Green Bay.

Super Bowl Winner: The Green Bay Packers.

   You heard it here first, folks... now get your bets in before Vegas gets ahold of this info and make your money now!

  That's all for this week, folks. Thanks, as always, for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Be sure to make any necessary corrections to my NFL picks too!