Happy Thursday Gabbers!

Finally, a day that I thought would never come has arrived, as the NFL season is officially underway now that teams are reporting to training camp. I don't know about you guys, but I've been craving football since the Saints won the Super Bowl, and now that thirst will finally be quenched as the season is underway. (I will do a prediction post in a few weeks after the preseason roster cuts are made, that way I can account for any drastic preseason injuries to star players and make the best predictions possible ... even though they will still be horribly wrong.)

And, contrary to what ESPN wants you to believe, there are stories in the NFL that don't involve Tim Tebow and Brett Favre, so let's take a look at what's going on around the league.

First of all, Dez Bryant needs to be taped to a goal post and get the ol' ice water bath for his pathetic refusal to carry Roy Williams' pads after practice. Hey Dez, whether you like it or not, you're worthless in the NFL until you actually do something on the field, and as a rookie it's your job to show respect to the veterans and carry their pads (and order their lunch, and get their coffee, and park their cars, etc.) - so instead of being a douchebag diva, how about show a little respect and do what you're told? And don't give me the "I'm here to play football" excuse. Bull shit, you're there to make a name for yourself, otherwise you would have done what every other rookie has done in the past and you would have carried the man's pads. Oh, and the "I didn't know it was a tradition" excuse, that's horse shit too. I don't even play football and I knew about that tradition, so save it for someone who might actually believe it.

The Cincinnati Bengals just became the "most likely to get a reality show" team in the league with their recent acquisition of Terrell Owens. Adding T.O. to the same roster as Chad Ochocinco and Pacman Jones is begging for media attention, and I feel sorry for Carson Palmer, who will spend the next 20 weeks of his life answering questions from the media as to why his diva receivers can't get along because one of them has more catches and touchdowns than the other one, and why one of the team's defensive backs can't seem to stay out of the local strip clubs.

I'm still trying to figure out who thought it was a great idea to put T.O. and Ochocinco on the same field at the same time for the same team. They do realize there's only one football right? How long do you guys think it will take before T.O. throws Palmer under the bus for targeting Ochocinco more?

You know ... that makes a great question of the week.

How long will it take T.O. to return to his old ways and call out the Bengals for not using him enough in the offense?

a.) less than 3 weeks
b.) 3-9 weeks
c.) 10 or more weeks
d.) he won't cause any problems

(For the record, if you pick D, you're either really drunk, or just fucking with everyone to skew the votes. And, in case you're wondering, my vote is B.)

Moving on to baseball, I'm happy to report that as of this writing, A-Roid is still sitting on 599 steroid-induced home runs. Nothing would make me happier than to see him sit on 599 for the rest of the season (even though I know that's not gonna happen, but it would be great), because in my opinion the douchebag doesn't deserve to hit 600 home runs.

Speaking of douchebags, if you've been around here for any length of time you know my hatred for Magglio Ordonez. Well, it appears that karma finally caught up with the mother fucker and caused him to break his ankle while sliding into home plate recently, and after seeing the replay on SportsCenter, I only had one thing to say about the ordeal...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT FUCKER!!!!

Ok, now that I've got that out of my system, I would like to take second to congratulate Rays pitcher Matt Garza for pitching the first no-hitter in Rays history, and I would also like to congratulate Evan Longoria for succesfully pulling off the shaving cream pie to the face ritual after the game, unlike Marlins outfielder Chris Coglan, who tore his knee doing the post-game celebration after a walk-off hit against Atlanta over the weekend. How in the hell do you fuck up something so simple as a pie to the face? He claims that he jumped and landed wrong on his knee ... well why the hell did you jump? Was the guy that much taller than you, where you had to jump to reach his face? I just don't understand how these guys can fuck up something so simple as hitting a guy in the face with a towel full of shaving cream, but maybe it takes more skill than I think it does. Who knows?

Well, that's all I have for this week. If you have anything you would like to add to the conversation, please feel free to drop a comment in the comment section below and keep the conversation going.

Until next Thursday...